One About Daniel Love and sex are not mutually exclusive I tell myself that but I'm two more drinks in Before I really believe it I turn down a date but still invite him over For a casual smoke sesh And an even more casual fuck We roll around in the afternoon light And into the night Strangers High as heaven It doesn't matter that he's lame Or that he's dumb Or that I barely know him Nothing really matters because he has a huge cock And in a month's time I know I'll never see him again And when I'm high as a kite, naked in the sunlight, so comfortable with someone so unknown It makes me forget the boy I walked away from And so I kiss this stranger until the sun goes down Until he has to go Because daddy's plane just landed and he'll be home soon Daniel asks why that matters, and I know he wants to stay But my father doesn't know his baby girl's a whore And it crashes down on me The realization I'll never be what anyone really wants me to be Not my parents, not these boys, and certainly not myself Not because of the sex Just because of everything So I smoke some more and call my old friends My buddy tells me it's a good thing Because heartbreak is a gnawing pain that only sex can wash out At least for him, he says And for me too And so I keep calling Daniel over And we smoke, and we fuck, and we sit in silence and watch movies neither of us like And I tell myself it's okay Because he's older, and taller, and a different kind of handsome A different kind of everything And I walked away from the first boy because I wanted something different, right? Right? And the tears keep coming so I drink and smoke and fuck them away until I can't feel anything Now I'm here at the end of the semester, at the end of the year Feeling nothing