When I was in the sixth grade I remember my mother bought a book how to deal with the strong willed child. She would leaving it sitting around nonchalantly next to my breakfast or read it in front of me peering at me over the dust jacket, I never asked her if she was trying to drop a hint but that was my impression. Subtle or no not I got the message she thought I was strong willed, I figured that was who I and I wasn't gonna change it. Basically I was even strong willed about being strong willed. As I grew older I continued to fail to see an issue with this trait, I just found synomnems with better connotations. I wasn't stubborn, I was determined or spunky or steadfast, and sometimes if I styled myself the right way I was even tough. I had more answers than questions because somehow having to admit to someone that I might not know something or heaven forbid they might be right an i was wrong modified me. I believed in God, I wanted to love, to be worthy of love, I wanted to be kind, I wanted to be generous, I wanted to help my fellow man. I knew how to do all those thing, I had my own plan. After all I was tenacious. I sought God on my terms I worked Him into my view, I rationalized all the things that were not working in my #life. And I wasn't happy, I had no peace, I was too busy trying control and fix and plan my #life. I didn't ask for help, I wouldn't admit even to myself that that I didn't know what to do. And all those things I wanted to do, all my noble intentions were falling to the floor. my plans may have been shoddy but Gods are not. I was obstinate but that's okay God had a plan for that. He can be subtle or direct. With me He knew it best to take a direct approach. Five years ago I thought I had a bad flu but it was a hurricane. It left my #life unrecognizable. I went into the emergency room on a Sunday morning and God was there ready to work. I didn't have a bottom number on my blood pressure but I was conscious for some reason . I was in so much pain. They worked on me I begged for medication for relief. I wasn't stable enough for pain medicine and when they did finally give it didn't touch my pain. So while they tried to bring me back from the edge of death, God was working to bring me to #life. It started down at the deepest part of me at my core in my chest, I cried out to God in silent words with everything I had left it shot thur me this pray, this the most true real thing I had ever said in my #life, God this is more than I can bear, I surrender to your will. And my pain vanished. And that's how you deal with a strong willed child . I did not surrender to God because I was scarred, I surrendered to God because I trusted his promise to never break me. I trusted God to know better than me, I didn't have any clue what His will would be I knew with every screaming cell in my crashing body that I was saved by the Blood of Christ and when I called He would answer.