My Own Personal Hell I had today coming for years. Today I feel like I've truly experienced hell. Backed into dark corners of my subconsciousness I've lost myself today and there is no one else to blame. Since childhood I've kept all my emotions,secrets and most definitely the past hidden from everyone I know because whenever I tried to open up to a person they fled for the hills. Today was no exception, today I lost my world, today I lost the one I love, today I lost the one I trust, today I lost the one I trusted. People often get frustrated at me once they get to know me better because I don't share the 'deep stuff' and that I wear a mask but today was different. Today I was told that the person under the mask is worst than the one wearing it that the person underneath was a manipulator who used guilt as its weapon. Today I was told that I make people emotionally drained and miserable. Today I was told that I'm a fake, an actor, a pretender. Today there's no one here around me, Today there's no one here to understand me, Today there's no one here to call. Today I feel betrayed as though my hands are broken. One day I will be able to forgive but never will I learn to hug again. Today I lost my trust and faith in humankind. Today I'm flipping off the switch. Today I'm shutting off my own humanity. Today I'll loose control of who I am and ain't nobody going to save me. Today I won't stand up but instead enjoy my fall. Today I'll leave everything behind even though for once I'm shinning. Today it matters who and what I let under my skin. Today I'm stepping back from the fire of my own personal hell. Today I'll hold everything back - all emotions and desires. Today I'll convince myself to be someone else and hold back from the world. Today I'm a pretender, tomorrow I'm an actor and after that a fake but really I'm what you call a friend. Today I feel alone, Today I am alone, Today I'm dying....