1899-12-30 0380 some would say I was in love with him, some would say I still am. but maybe I was, or I am. I'm not so sure myself. no matter how many times he pissed me off, ignored me, or did things behind my back, I still wanted him. i think I am in love with his act, what he said and did when we were together. he brought out the best of me; yet he made me into a lonely sad person. even thought he hurt me, brought tears to my eyes and made me never want to see him again, I still find myself yearning for him, craving him. so maybe it was just the idea of him, having him there, giving me affection. In the end, I don't know what it would be like if I hadn't met him; he was the source to my happiness but the spark to my sorrow, so maybe even though how much grief he put me through, it was a lesson with a blessing within it. I'm not over him, I never will be, I'm just moving on; being stronger for myself.