Rule Bending “I thought less of political protests and men at war and current affairs than I thought of you. 
That’s not right. 
 Your lips were soft and when you kissed me for the first time, I had a 12 o'clock curfew and you made me want to bend the rules. You always made me want to bend the rules. You always came to me when I needed you most and you didn’t care if you had other things to do. Maybe you bended rules for me too. 
I watched you play on the field from the inside of your warm truck. 
I loved watching how you interacted with others. I loved watching how you moved. I think I was happy then. I hate the way you treated yourself. You deserved so much more credit. I don’t think I told you that. 
I also hate your drug addiction and your drunken fights with your father. 
I don’t think my heart is strong enough to go through that again. I'm sorry. When you broke up with me, you couldn't hide the fact that it was strictly a breakup phone call. It was what it was. But at the same time, you started it by saying “I either have to end this or be with you. I want to be with you.” It's like you didn't even know what you desired. 
Thirty minutes later I was at your side as you cried and said that I deserved better. I thanked you for dating me then walked out of your worn out guest room. 
The room in which I pictured many more memories. You told me you loved me. I did not cry. This time you weren't bending any rules. You broke them. Just like you broke my fucking heart. But I thanked you for dating me anyway. I’m confused as to why you showed up to my doorstep last night. We broke up almost a year ago, but your voice didn’t sound like a home I wanted to run to anymore, and your laugh didn’t bring a smile across my face like it used to. You asked me questions about myself and I was straightforward. You said that I’m "different now".
 You said that you are "proud of me". 
You said that I have "grown up". I am different. 
I am skeptical of my tattered heart because battles have been fought on it. 
But many battles have not been fought for it. I have not grown up. 
When I buy groceries, I buy pizza rolls and frozen dinners. 
My stomach still believes that I am fifteen. You told me that you have changed. 
People can change, I know, but not that much. People change to the person they really are and maybe I never really knew you. When you lost your breath from talking, I said that I was tired. 
I was tired and I wanted to leave. I was tired of fighting back a panic attack from hearing your words and seeing your face all at once. I was hearing and seeing everything I'd wanted months ago, but now it didn't feel right. I was disappointed. I asked if we could try again. Maybe the feelings would come back. But something in your face resisted. Something stopped you. I took that as a sincere rejection. I thanked you for dating me then got out of your truck. I thanked you for dating me. Only to find out the next morning, you'd been off fucking your new girlfriend, the ditzy stoner with a bad nail job, I'd realized that maybe, just maybe, you were willing to bend the rules just one more time."