Torture oh my dear, why must you torture me so? ..

Translate 10 years ago

Torture oh my dear, why must you torture me so? With every step away you take, it feels like a final blow. With every glare you send my way, I feel myself starting to decay. With every angry word you spit, it feels as though I've just been hit. And though I try and try and try, nothing can calm you down from the rage, that leaves me only wanting to cry. With every smile you send his way, another knife has gone astray, Call me pathetic, weak, broken, But I'm still hoping for the day, when you'll walk up and just say hey, And forget about all our problems in the past, all our bad memories aside you'll cast. For now I'm just a broken man, dreaming of the day we can begin again.

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@bird99 this is for your contest!

· 0 · 1413775173

Will be checked along with rest of the other poems on Saturday ð

· 0 · 1413781474

@bird99 ok thanx! Just out of curiosity, what time is it in the uk?

· 0 · 1413782347

Go to my account I've just let out the first chapter of my story, tell your friends

· 0 · 1413836274

@luv2write woops sorry just saw your comment, its 9:18 am and im marking yours now yaaayð

· 0 · 1414315111

First things thank you so much for taking part and here is your promised review:

· 0 · 1414322544

Genre Identification: Beautifully depicted the topic of love| Emotion Identification: A sad love of a broken heart| Emotion transition: Emotions kept pretty much the same all the way through |Writers Craft: Very well emphasised on title| Vocabulary: "With every glare you send away, I feel myself starting to decay" Very good use of vocab, very creative however more can be added to other parts of your poem | Rhyming: Very well however some rhymes are a little awkward positioned e.g. 'Walk up and just say hey' |Model pattern: Really like the way you have kept 'call me pathetic, weak, broken' as a single verse, really depicts emotions| repetition: good use of it| language techniques: alliteration, assonance, emotive, oxymoron, repetition, metaphor, juxtaposition, pathetic fallacy| quality written: Very well written but can be improved with a wider selection of language techniques to advance creative skills. Very well done

· 0 · 1414322979

Translate 10 years ago

Alurea

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Alurea

Mad Hobbit

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