2:30 pm - Thank god my parents had the boys all morning at some Alzheimer's walk because I was not doing the greatest. At first I thought it was some type of hangover but now it seems more like I need some type of narcotic. I made a couple phone calls but just ended up drinking coffee and beer. Which was not what I wanted. However my husband came saying he talked his coworker out of some Vicoden. So I just took an eighth. We'll see how that goes. 80 pm - so the suboxin was an amazing relief to what had been going on in my head for the last while. Aaaahh narcotics. My husband had come home in a bum mood and the suboxin hadn't really helped like it did me. So I was surprised and hurt when he told me I was ignoring the children. I guiltily admit that for the past month there more times than not that I ignored them. I was and am trying to get out of a very dark place. But it sucks to know that trying the best you can to get through a day, is no way near good enough for human standards