Chapter 5 |the grey orphanage| I pace about my room, still fully dressed except for my shoes, which I had taken off. What did Helen have to say to me? And why did I need to know it in order to stay at the orphanage? I didn't know if I really wanted to stay here. Presently, there was a soft knock on my door. I opened it and Helen walked in. She already had her night gown in, and her long dark hair was let down and braided to one side. "Miss Jenkins would probably fire us both if she saw what we were doing." I whispered, as we both sat on the bed. "She hasn't caught me so far." Helen replied smiling. "I have been here since I was twenty, I'm thirty now, and I have done this six times. And there was at least fifteen people who came to work here, and most of them left. Some on there own free will, some because Jenkins asked them to leave." "Did some leave after you told them what you are going to tell me?" She nodded. “I don’t blame them.” I thought. “So here is what you need to know,” Helen began, “Bertha Jenkins was raised by strict parents and that is how she thinks children should be raised. I don’t think she realizes how harsh she is.” “How could she not?” I demanded. Helen shrugged, “Perhaps her parents treated her worse and she thinks she is giving them reasonable discipline. She is very stubborn in her beliefs of children. You heard her today saying that children should be seen and not heard. She also doesn’t think a lot playing is good for them. The only reason she allows it is because Mr. Henson insisted on more play time. She draws the line at them pretending. They cannot read novels, only true history.” “It really is cruel.” I said, thinking of all the playing and pretending I did with my cousins as a child. She shrugged again. “I suppose it keeps the children out of trouble most of the time.” “Trouble is a part of childhood.” and then I blushed when I thought of the trouble I had been through lately. I did quite well today though I thought. “Miss Jenkins doesn’t think so.” said Helen. There was a pause. “If you want to stay here Jean, you will have to comply with the rules like the rest of us do. Sometimes though, we let them pretend a little, on the rare times that miss Jenkins is gone.” I smiled. “But that has only happened four times that I have been here.” she took a deep breath, “You have probably noticed that we go a little easier on the children when Bertha’s not around.” I nodded, “I have noticed that.” “But when she comes back, we get harsh. That is how she expects us, and you to behave.” “I don’t know if I will be able to do that.” I said, biting my lip. “You will eventually. I thought I couldn’t either. And always be conventional Jean, don’t try to bend rules. She won’t tolerate that.” I nodded again. “You have also noticed that things are different when Mr. Henson is around. She wants to give him the impression that this orphanage has happy, accomplished and obedient kids.”: “Accomplished?” “We will be having lots of lessons on thursday such as piano, and other instruments, needlework, and whatever else miss Jenkins decides they need to learn to succeed in this world.” “Does she decide the children’s accomplishments?” “Sort of. They all have to learn to read music to a certain extent, but they don’t have to pursue piano, they have the option of learning other instruments. For girls, learning sewing and knitting is a requirement.” “What do the boys do besides music?” “They learn business usually. Mr. Hoover oversees that in the classroom. He comes on thursday with the rest of the hired teachers, Mr. and Mrs. Tyler, who teach music. But I think the children really enjoy those days. Jenkins isn’t ordinarily around the children when they are learning.” “I am glad they can enjoy it, “ said I, “But back the previous topic, I should behave harshly when Miss Jenkins is around, softer when she’s not, and in between when Mr. Henson comes?” Helen laughed, “Something like that.” “How do you manage it?” “One gets used to it.” I sighed. “I’ll try Helen, I really will.” “Good. Because I want you to stay.” I looked up and smiled at her. It felt so good to be wanted. She got up and walked towards the door. She opened it, and then paused. Turning around, she added softly, “Oh, and try not to get too attached to the children. It makes things a lot harder.” Then she closed the door, and I heard her faint footfalls fade into silence.