My Definition Of The Word Slice. Slice - simply a word that many of you will associate with joints of meat or other foods but not me, slice is a word that I associate with myself, my body, my arms. It's so strange when I think about it like this, I relate the meaning of a simple word to something so deep and terrifying to many but to me it's natural, it's a relief, it's an addiction, it's me. I know there is nothing to be proud of about it but it's my coping mechanism and it proves I'm still fighting with myself to stay in this #lifetime, it proves that I haven't yet given up. I get judged by numerous people about the actions I take, 'attention seeking' is one phrase that gets thrown around a lot but for those of you out there that can relate to what I'm saying will understand. There are only two specific people that I would like to notice my marks yet haven't and that's because I keep them hidden from everyone else because I'm not proud, yes I bet many of you are thinking right now that I am attention seeking, my response is yes, yes I am, I'm seeking the attention of two people, two people I know that care for me, two people that want the best for me, two people I know will help me; so yes I am attention seeking but I'm not seeking attention for the wrong, I'm pleading for these two specific people to help me through my difficult times but I'm seeking their attention mentally and not physically by constantly hiding my marks. The thing I must say right now is that my intentions for my reoccurring actions isn't for the attention I mentioned, in fact that phrase doesn't even cross my mind whilst carrying them out. This may sound rather childish in some ways but do you want to know the truth behind why i create these marks? Well here it is... On random occasions I get this feeling, this thought, that I'm changing and for a moment I do. It's like my head is filled with demons that are constantly contradicting everything I feel, think and do. It's so hard to explain but they are like momentary lapses in which I completely loose hope, loose sense and loose feeling as to why I'm alive, as to why I was created by my parents and as to what my intentions for being here are. I wish I could understand these lapses but I can't but what I do know is that during these momentary lapses I have to fight against my inner demons as a way to bring myself back, as a way to make myself feel myself again and that is how these marks appear. Most of the time, once I've snapped out of these lapses I feel coldness down my skin and when I look I realise what I have done without intentionally doing it, I then have to live the next few days trying to cover them up as I fear people won't understand as to why they are there because let's face it, the majority of the time, neither do I. My intentions for writing this is not for attention in anyway, I find it really hard to speak to people about how I feel, what I'm thinking about and generally how I'm doing so I like to write things down and share them on a place in which nobody I know can read them, in that way all the things that I keep bottled up are released and that is why I write this. I know the majority of you won't emphasise with anything I have said already or will talk about in the future and that's fine but for those of you that do, I want you to know I appreciate it and that no matter how much it seems it (it's taken me until this moment to realise it) that you are not alone in how you are feeling and what you do to yourself, just know that there must be a reason as to why we were given a chance at #life and before we completely give up, find out what that reason is. That is what keeps me going and I hope it will for you too.