1/31/13 music blares in my ears so do the words i love you his hands moved silently cloaked in the darkness i know what's happening her body jerks about her hands move to him i know what's happening "i love you, Evatt" my heart hurts she asks "what's wrong, baby" i gulp down my sadness "nothing at all" her face lights up her hand strokes his leg her lips console my ears his hand rests on her where mine once had her body moves with him i can smell her breath the alcohol this isn't happening but i know it is the windows are fogged i see everything but i see nothing i take her hands the dam is about to break i wipe my face "i love you" she grins i do too the bass rattles my bones i look and see a new reality i close my eyes everything is numb i think about nothing yet everything my mind is rattled by icy synths i can see again her hand isn't in mine tears are worthless she was love "was this love?" my heart asked i gave no reply i can't look over it'll hurt too bad i do it anyways her body jerks about he grins mischievously her hand on his pants his on hers "is this a dream?" "does she really love you?" my heart implores still no reply the music stops doors open the cold air punches me i can't breathe "c'mon let's go" my lungs are filled again i stand up into the night one star stands in the sky my heart pesters me "what's gonna happen?" "should i end it?" "why does this hurt?" "am i adequate?" "is she ending it with me?" i finally respond "i won't let it be over"