Monday started early, I was not ready to meet the week, hit the snooze button 3 times. Just in a funk that won't shake off. Shaking my head I jump out of bed knowing I only had 15 min. to get out the door or I would be late to the office. The weekend was not as I helpful as I wanted. Some good times with the girls and a nice relaxing day with the husband. For some reason I still wonder why I feel alone, yet very anxious, thoughts in my head that have never really been there before. Thoughts that would shock my husband and most of my friends. Why now! Arrived in the office just in time and very busy at work so I was able to ignore my thoughts for a couple of hours. What am I going to do after the rush of the day to keep me in check? I spent most of my 20's and 30's parting and building a great group of friends and met and married the best faithful Husband that I dreamed and prayed for. A man who is patient loving faithful and when he looks at me I know he adores me. Should be happy maybe I am just crazier then ever? After I get home take a bubble bath with a glass of wine, trying to get my head back in the game...did not work. Went to the family room to watch some tv but could not stay focus on anything. I just keep looking around the kitchen looking for something to snack on,nothing worked So I have pulled out the laptop started playing games, then started searching for decorations ideas, before I knew it I had started a search in for swinger clubs. A few hours later I found a couple of clubs for alternative #lifestyles not far from my home in Bend Oregon. Never would have thought there was a need for this but I guess I am not as alone in my desires as I thought. I could try some other/additional options for #lifestyles. Not sure what I am looking for, why I am looking. The thought of being with another couple has me very interesting to me. My husband would never go for it. I guess if I really want to try this I should look for a threesome. How, where are the questions. Do I go to a swingers club? Is that ginning to be to much for me the first time? So now I have to figure that out. That is not something you talk about you our husband or good friends. So I start going out and start flirting with girls to see what will happen, even buy them a couple drinks. So I make a couple of advances and nothing. What am I doing wrong? I really don't want to be with just another woman, I want a couple. I want her to go down on me while he is fucking her from behind, then lick his juices out of her while he fucks me with his tongue. I want to be taken by both at the same time. Ok maybe I have given it more thought than I wanted to say. So after months of being frustrated and not knowing what to do, it was a cold cloudy friday, can not remember the last time the sun was warm on my face. My husband is out of town hunting with the guys, should be gone until Sunday night so I call and set up a tour of a swinger club. I could hardly sleep at all nervous, excited not sure. Get up early Saturday go to the gym for a work out, get my hair done then home for a bath. Went to a neighborhood bar had a drink to relax my nerves. I get to the club at 10pm and it looked like a house party not really sure what it was going to look like. I got the tour woman can be alone but men must be with a women no single men. That is a relief. On the tour they started with a common area for people to meet dance and have a drink or several which was nice.