Things I've Learned From Being A Kid Ok, so I'm sure everybody has learned something from being a kid, like don't eat the yellow snow, don't take candy from strangers and so on and so forth, but I'd like to share some things I learned, even if they weren't true. 1. If you swear on the telephone, the phone company will get you. 2. If you drink Tabasco sauce, you catch fire, and burp flames then you drink water and it makes smoke 3. If you make a mistake it will go on your permanent record and follow you for the rest of your #life. 4.The lowest form of #life in the school yard is the tattle-tale. 5.You can't change channels at a drive-in, even with that remote control thing you hang on the window. 6.Christmas toys are not made by elves at the North Pole. They are made in factories in places like Hong Kong. If you want to get any more presents, kid, you'll keep your mouth shut. 7.The atom is our friend. Nuclear power is safe, clean, and cheap. 8.Watch your step when you go barefoot around smoking grownups. Oh, and don't step on bees. 9. If someone asks "Did you just fart?" you should say nothing and look sheepish. 10. You can't fly. Christmas songs I learned as a kid Classics such as: "We Three Kings of Orient Are (Tried to Smoke a Rubber Cigar)" "Jingle Bells (Santa Smells)" "Do You Smell What I Smell?" And new favorites, like: "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer (ate poo and died)" "Jingle Bells (Batman Smells)"
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