Okay so lots of questions tonight. Most all steaming from my dream: where my ex was visiting my room leaving notes behind. And then on the last day i find a note with a ring ( one i don't remember) tied to it saying you promised you would do better, you would move on Sam. Then i walk in to my room find him lying on my bed as I curl up next to him enjoying the warmth of my sheets. Then reality hits. You are married. Why are you here. Why are you doing this. Didn't you move on with your new wife and kids. I can see the last one hurt so loosing my hystarics I shut up. Then he speaks holding my face, yes I am still married and madly in love... But if you were to say the word I'd Change that. And I'd be here with you. And I froze. And that's when I woke up.( by no means would I want him. So I don't know why I dreamed it..) So apart from this playing in repeat in my mind I look at the clock and notice that I'm running late for work. I have not been sleeping well and I'm not sure why, if it is the events coming up : my sisters wedding, my cousin having her first baby: a girl. Or the day my baby died. Which the previous are both falling into the same week. On top of that the thoughts flooding my mind.. Why are most of the women on my moms Side prone to having bastard children. Why can't she get her things straight and love us correctly, I have to get these things right next go round.. I have to break this curse. Then the line from my dream comes back you promised you would do better, do with that a flood of all my past relation ships or encounters.Now I have forgiven them. But I had to write it down so I could clear my mind. I am now moving forward and holding my self accountable.