Love #quote: Chapter 2 - Secrets & Lies Five months have passed, and I still haven’t been able to talk to Jake. Everything between us was a lie and that’s all that I’ve kept in mind from the time we broke up till now. I longed for him every day, not knowing what to become of me. Nothing really seemed to matter now since the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my forever with has departed from my #life, but I knew #life is a roller coaster of events. Towards the last month of my 5 month trial of longing, caring, wondering, and loving Jake, I realized it’s hopeless thinking about what could’ve been and what might’ve been if we stayed together. And within the last 2 months of this trial, I just didn’t care and didn’t expect him to ever come back anymore. Then one day, out of nowhere, Jake sent me this message: Hey Pearl. It’s Jake. I’m sorry for everything. I left you without a proper goodbye and I’m sorry for that. You must hate me for being such a jerk and I understand if you think I’m a total asshole. But Pearl, I still love you. Just know I’ll always be there for you. Take care of yourself and I hope you’re happy now. Maybe I’ll see you around. Bye. The nerve! I thought. He leaves without telling me and now he sends me a note letting me know that he’s feeling guilty! How dare him! But I realized that as I thought this, my heart raced and excitedly wondered why after all these months he would start messaging me again. I started thinking of the “what if’s” and the “possibilities” that we could have if we ever get back together. But as soon as I started thinking about it, I shook the thought off my mind. “What am I thinking?!” I told myself. “How could I possibly think of getting back together with the guy who broke my heart and who has faulted me in the long run?! No. Enough is enough! I’m not giving him a chance! No! Not even one!” I was convincing myself that I didn’t love him anymore. All I was doing was actually lying and deceiving myself. I dated other guys but no one ever compared to Jake. I was wondering if I would ever be able to move on. Then I met Blane and he made sense of my #life when I felt like I’m never going to get back up anymore. Blane had a sense of humor I could relate to and he smiled every so often that it was hard for me to not smile back. Just when I thought Blane and I were already okay and going steady, Jake called and informed me that he was coming back in 3 months. This time he assured me that he’ll stay truthful and honest to me no matter what and that he won’t ever leave me anymore. As much as I didn’t want to take him back, deep inside my heart, I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist his offer. We talked about it and we agreed that we’ll work things out when he gets here. 2 months have passed and I was anxious to see Jake again. Blane and I broke up after he found out about Jake’s return but he assured me that we’ll stay as friends. Blane and I still hanged out as though we were still together, but we knew that I was waiting for Jake all these time and we were just hurting each other. But Blane understood how important this was for me and I knew that he was just being nice. Although I still thought of being with Jake and being excited about seeing him again, I still couldn’t help wondering about Blane. Every day that I was with him, I felt an urge to take back what we had. I knew that wasn’t possible anymore because of two reasons: 1) Jake was coming back, and 2) We both knew the church wouldn’t allow us to be together. Deep inside my heart, a war was occurring. My feelings for Blane and the unrequited love I had for Jake clashed and collided with each other until I was gasping for air from all the wounds I’ve inflicted on myself trying to prevent the two from battling. Thinking about Blane and Jake, and having to choose between the two people who have made me feel complete, was giving me a huge migraine.