Optimistically Regretful Love. I hurt. I ruined my chance. I fucked up and wasted any and every opportunity. I shouldn't have left that night. I was happy talking to him....comfortable, even. What was I thinking? When he asked if I was leaving, with a surprised expression....it was like a shot in the face. I knew I was as oblivious as a 10 year old school girl who still played with dolls and slept with stuffed animals. Oh wait, I am that girl. Except I'm 21, and a naive loser who has no aspirations in #life, who falls hard, way too easily. Him? 36 years old, average white guy. Not decked out with cash, doesn't give a fuck about how he looks or what he wears. Smells like a bar and always lighting up a cigarette...gorgeous mesmerizing hazel green eyes, the most adorable smile and an accommodating cute laugh....comes off as an asshole, but I swear he puts effort into everyone and everything but himself. Was it wrong? Probably. But who cares. He's not attached and neither of us have extra baggage lingering in the background of our lives. There are no set laws of attraction, and quite frankly if there were, like hell if I'd follow them. Not that I'd call this love, but who's keeping tabs anyway? Never in my #life have I felt this comfortable with somebody, on top of the fact that he was the one person I shared ideals with and could relate to and understand. I didn't see it coming, but I always found myself gazing off in his direction and smiling to myself day to day. He swears like a sailor and didn't give a single fuck about what anyone thought of who he was. What I'd give to have that much confidence. Maybe then, he wouldn't have slipped away.... But honestly, I wish him the best of luck. He definitely deserves to do what he wants and give time to himself. All in all, I wish him happiness and good fortune with the decisions he'll make. Who knows, maybe someday our paths will once again cross and opportunity will arise and I won't fuck up my chance like I did before. Maybe I would have grown up, and overcome my lack of confidence to stop second-guessing obvious details in #life. I just wish I could look you in the eyes one last time and tell you how I feel... But for now, I guess this is good-bye.