Last year was the first woman's retreat I had been to. I enjoyed it so much. I was with my two sisters which made it more memorable. A plaque was given to each of us girls as a gift. It said, " whatever Lord, whenever Lord, and even if. I remember those words well. I wanted to find a place for it at home so that it would remind me of the wonderful time we had shared together. I set the plaque by my bedside. It wasn't long, maybe a couple of weeks after reading it time and again, that those words began to tug at me. I remember thinking, saying those words are one thing but praying those words meaningfully, takes a real leap of faith. The words are very powerful. I don't know if I am really ready to pray about this. But, I had this feeling that I should. Maybe, God wanted me to. I thoughtfully spoke the words on that plaque. This was my opinion as to what it's meaning was for me. WHATEVER, is in my #life that needs to change, reveal that to me Lord. WHENEVER, the time is right. And EVEN IF, it means suffering for the sake of drawing me closer to you and deepening my faith. let it be, Lord. And so I started praying these words. I was a little scared, because I knew God answered prayers, but not always the way you wanted him to. But, I was committed to keep praying. I prayed with an open heart and waited for His leading. Three weeks went by and God was ready to answer my prayer. But, was I ready? I had to trust that God knew what He was doing. This prayer was about to change my #life forever. Now, my faith and trust in The Lord would be tested. I knew that God would never forsake me. I knew that He loved me more than I could comprehend. I knew that He would never give me more than I could handle. But, I wasn't prepared for what was about to happen. On October 27th, 2003, my #life as I knew it was changed forever and so were many other lives That evening on our way home from the city, my husband and I decided to briefly stop by and see my daughter and grandchildren. As I entered the house, I remember being excited to see my grandchildren. I picked them up one at a time and hugged and kissed them. My daughter came into the house to get me and asked me to step outside. My daughter revealed to me and my husband that our grandson had been molested. My heart started pounding and I was trying to get some composure, when I briefly looked at my husband. He wasn't saying anything and he wasn't looking at anyone. I was trying to block out the thoughts that were racing through my mind. Then, when I looked at him again, his head was down and he said, c'mon Sue, lets go home. Oh no! Oh no, dear God, NO! My daughter told us that we would not be allowed to see the children in accordance with DHS. DHS had already talked to the children and said we cannot see them or have any visitation whatsoever. I was looking at my daughter and in disbelief I asked her what was going on. She said, " Dad knows." I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. When I felt myself breathing again all I could do on the way home was scream at my husband. What? I need some answers! Please, tell me this is all a misunderstanding. Please, please, please! Tell me what is going on. I want the truth. Tell me now! What the hell is going on? I was crying and screaming at the same time. My husband of 33 years had molested my 7 year old grandson. He told me that it was true. I started hitting him in the car and I insisted he talk to me. I wanted to know everything. I had never had these feelings before; and I was scared of how I felt. I wanted to hear that there was some misunderstanding, or an explanation of what had happened. The feelings I had that night were all balled up into one. I was angry, hurt, sad, worried, embarrassed and lost all at the same time. When we got home, I wanted so bad to go back to my daughter and apologize to her. This was my beautiful daughter who has given me two beautiful grandchildren, and I love the so much. My heart was aching. I just had to go. She lived only a mile away. My husband was saying, " I don't deserve to live. " I was afraid for him but at the same time I was hurting for my daughter and grandson. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to go see her. I did with my husband promising me to not hurt himself. He promised me. I went as fast as I could to talk to her. I didn't know what I was going to say; I just knew I needed to talk to her. When I got there she came out to the car and asked me what I wanted. I told her I was so sorry and I felt so horrible about everything. She didn't have too much to say that I can remember.