3am Forever - Part 1 "The crack seems bigger..." I flick the light on and my eyes ache but I tell myself over and over again. It's the same every night. I lie there and I gaze up, out towards the window and then eventually back up at that crack. "I wish I hadn't rearranged my bed around, it's directly there in my eye line!" I tell myself. It stares at me and I stare back. I switch the light back off and lie back, hopeful to forget the bothers which keep me up at night again and again. Outside my window the world bleeds into the sky regardless of the time or my commitment to sleep, similar to me, it never seems to sleep or cave into resting. A horrid orange bleed. It's unavoidable evidence of harm, a blatant damage report right in front of my fucking eyes every night and I can't do a single thing but lie here and complain about the sky in my head. My problems feel awfully miniature when vocalised but these are the thoughts and bothers which keep me up to the stupid hours of the morning and I just can't seem to escape them. I've tried all manner of things from listening to calming music, warm milk, relaxation and even Internet speculated techniques but alas, no. I still lie here again staring at the crack. "I don't even know what caused it, should I be worried?" I vocalise without warning, letting out a yawn as I do so. "Shit, I didn't mean to say that out loud..." at least this time I keep the words inside. I scan for sounds and traces I woke anyone and return back to my caccoon like state within my sheets. I should let it be known on record that I am such a fidgety being. Forever tracking and seeking the cold spots with my feet, where comfort takes me. It's bizarre. The combination cold and the heat eases me and even then I fidget for more or expectation for sweeter spots. It's the glutton in me, I assume. It doesn't come in many other forms. Or does it? I am a bad reference of character for my own existence. "Don't stare at the crack, stop thinking about the crack! You're doing it again you know?! Yeah! Just try and think of something else and nice and not the crack and..."