The Dreams Of An Innocent - Chapter One In all my wildest dreams, I could never have begun to come up with the situation that faced me on that fateful day. But I digress. A word of warning; I do that a lot. My name is Susanna Smith, by the way. Well, it was then, but now..... I don't think I'm ready to share the name I go by now, not just yet. The year was 1591. I was twenty-five, and madly in love with a playwright. These days, he's the most famous playwright in the world, but in those days, he was simply Will to me. William and I had met a long time before, when I was only a child, playing in the same fields in Stratford where I spent many summers with my mother's family. William was my first friend, my best friend, in fact. He taught me to climb trees, to catch fireflies, to write poetry. We would spend hours talking about everything and nothing at the same time, how he would become a famous writer, how I would marry a lord, and never have to do a single thing because I would surely have staff to do it all for me. I used to laugh at him when he said that, because I had always hoped that I was destined to spend forever with him. I suppose, looking back now, that hope came true. But again, I digress. My mother and father married when they were very young. Despite their best efforts, I was to be an only child, which is why I loved visiting Stratford so much. Of course, meeting William only made it more of a reason to go there as often as I could. Ten summers passed there blissfully, just my best friend and I. In my last summer there, just before my seventeenth birthday, something changed between William and I. We were no longer as close as we once were. In fact, in the three months that I was there, I only saw him a few times. On my last day there, he came to call on me, wanting to spend some time with me before I left for another year. I was sorely disappointed in him, since we were such good friends and he had neglected me all summer, but I agreed to see him. We went to our favourite tree, the willow that had always provided us with shade and a place to hide in summers past, and sat beneath it. There, under the protection of leaves, starting to turn to their autumnal golds, William professed his love for me, and I for him. We swore ourselves to one another, and I promised him that the next time I visited Stratford, that I would stay, and become his wife. Our promise never became a reality. That autumn, two heartbreaks tore through my #life. The first was the death of my mother. She died just after my birthday, and so my father and I travelled to Stratford to have her buried in her familial plot. It was here where my heart was broken a second time. William, the man I had hoped to marry, had married someone else. On my birthday, no less. Anne Hathaway. I had met her on a few occasions over my summers in Stratford, but I had never had the impression that she and William had such a close relationship, let alone a romantic one. I didn't seek him out, I refused. He didn't receive an invite for my mother's funeral, but his wife did visit to offer their deepest condolences. Were it not so unladylike, I would have spat in her face, but I don't believe my father would have been too pleased with that. I vowed that day never to visit Stratford again. I could not bear the thought of seeing William and Anne continuing on with their #life together. I had given myself to him completely on that day in the summer. We had become man and wife in the physical aspect, but it didn't matter to him. Six months after my last visit, my father received word from my uncle that William and Anne had been graced by God with a child. By some cruel twist of fate, they had called the child Susanna. I was both angry and deeply hurt. If the child had been born six months after their wedding, it meant that Anne must have fallen pregnant after I gave myself to William. After we had made our promises. I felt sick. Every time I thought of it, I felt like my whole world had fallen apart in the space of days; my mother, William. It was too much for my heart to bear. In a bid to forget it, I threw myself into something that would distract me. I began to visit the theatre, read books, become the accomplished lady that would surely beget a fine husband, one who would be able to provide for me and any future children that we might have. Of course, the thought of lying with any man who wasn't William was a horrible one, but I tried to ignore that feeling as best I could. Years passed, my father found a suitable match for me, and I was set to marry Thomas Younge, a merchant's son. He was a little older than me, but that was the norm in those days, and I didn't want to go against my father. I wanted to make him happy, and I wanted to believe Thomas could do that for me, I prepared myself for the duties of a wife. I made sure that I knew how to cook to the best of my ability, as we would not have staff to do that for us, I ensured that I made many shirts for my husband to be, Two days before my wedding was to take place, I went to the theatre to take in a play. I had no idea who had written it then. As I stood watching, one of the actors seemed very familiar to me, more so than the others, since I was a frequent visitor to the theatre at that point. His eyes reminded me of eyes I had seen once before, lips that made me believe I had had the privilege to be kissed by them. Still, I didn't think anything else of it. Not until the end of the play. I was right in thinking that I knew the actor on stage. I did. His name was William Shakespeare, and he had not only acted in the play, but written it, too. He came to the edge of the stage, bowing to all of us, and I caught his eye. He tried to take my hand, but I pulled away, not wanting any contact with him at all. All that did was make him try harder, and he slipped off the stage and pulled me to him. "Susanna," he whispered in my ear. "I have missed you so very much." As mad as I was with him, I had missed him too. He asked if we could talk, and I agreed. He smiled, and lead us backstage so that we could talk away from the eyes of the public. "I hear you have a daughter now," I said as soon as we were out of earshot. "And a wife." William sighed and took my hand. "This is not how I wanted to begin with our first meeting in such a long time," he said, and I couldn't look at him. "But yes. I have two daughters, and a son, Susanna, Judith and Hamnet. And yes, I am married. Not by choice, though. You know I was going to marry you when you came back, but....." I let go of his hand and stepped back. "I gave myself to you. I ruined myself for any other marriage, because I gave myself completely to you. I was your wife in all but name, and then I return to find that you are married to another? And she was clearly already with child, so my promise must have meant nothing to you." My eyes filled with tears, and I damned myself for being so emotional in front of him.