Translate   13 years ago

Denial "well, I guess that's it" I say quietly to myself. Finished, gone, what have I done? "look honey don't be upset I know that-" "look dad I'm just going to have to face it OKAY?!!" I scream at him. "well it was you who messed them up in the first place!!" dad feebly tries to fight back but he is loosing. "look dad, I FAILED MY EXAMS, do I have to drill it into your head?! IM THICK DAD!! JUST LIKE YOU!!" I scream at him. I immediately regret it, dad will be SO upset now, and of course, he storms out, it's not his fault he didn't pass his exams and now we live in this dump. He's been counting on me to do well and to get a job, but I've failed! WHY?! Why is this happening to ME?! What have I done to deserve all of this?? I crouch on the floor and weep, weep and weep until I run out of tears, then I just sit there shaking, my whole body vibrating. I lie there for hours, it is so cold, freezing, cold, it is cold, I finally give in and collapse on the floor. When I wake in the morning, I find myself in my bed and my breakfast beside me on my trashy little table, I am happy only for a second, until it hits me that it wasn't a dream and I actually did fail my exams, I curl up into a ball and rock myself back and fourth, sobbing. I stay there until it gets dark and then I get up slowly and go to the bathroom, then go downstairs slowly. Thankfully my dad has gone out and I am alone. I stuff my face with any food I can find and then I bring it all back up. I feel so horrible and croaky that I just stumble up to my bed and fall into a dreamless sleep.

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