Bungee Jumping Okay Breath. Come on Ramona, I mutter to myself incoherently. You’ve been breathing all your #life now isn’t the time to forget. My few unregistered words of encouragement fall short when I open my eyes just a peek. Just a peek, that’s all I need. My breathing hitches and I freeze in place. My curiosity is my demise. I look down and I see nothing, the vastness of this nothing is staggering, almost astounding. My eyes must be playing a practical joke on me, we can’t be that high up I think to myself. But that second glimpse below me does it, my feet instantly glue to the floor, and my hands simultaneously go limp as if I’m paralyzed. Beads of sweat form on my forehead, the cold November weather is like fire against my frozen skin. And again I forget how to breathe, its like I’m choking on the air itself. The scent of the forest pine trees and the feel of the cool winter breeze has little effect on the incoherent thoughts running through my mind. All logical thoughts of my mind are erased, gone. Instead replaced by the single feeling of fear. The bungee jumping instructor taps his foot impatiently, complimenting the bored look on his face. He mutters something just under his breath, which sounds like something along the lines of “Why do I always get the crazy ones.” The crowd behind me starts projecting worried glances; I am quite a sight to behold. The wind has sculpted my hair into something resembling tumbleweed, and I look like I’m going through a combination of an asthma attack, and hyperventilation. A young boy behind me pats my back encouragingly. I can do it I tell myself. I am a successful and already accomplished young lawyer; I deal with sleazy criminals much scarier than this jump on a daily basis. This little jump should be like child’s play to me, right? Wrong, I tell myself because right now I’d pick a courtroom full of convicted felons over this jump in a heartbeat. You brought this upon you yourself, I remind myself. Silly me thinking facing my fear of heights straight on would help me get rid of my fear. What nonsense, what was I thinking. What moment of insanity had come over me? I should just leave now and wallow in my misery while I have the chance. And then I remind myself why I’m here. My mind drifts back to about 15 years ago to the annual fair my fathers company would hold every October. I spent most of the night playing games and getting sick off of fair food, but now then was time for the highlight of my evening. What I looked forward to all year, the Ferris wheel. I wait in line with an oversized teddy bear I had just won. The excitement in my body turns into adrenaline and I can hardly wait. This year was the first year I was tall enough to ride alone. “Next!” The Ferris wheel attendant shouts and I board onto a chair. The attendant readjusts my seatbelt and tells me to hang on to the railing. The music starts, the lights begin to flash, and the Ferris wheel begins. I’m mesmerized as my seat begins to lift. It’s the prettiest thing I had ever seen. My chair is just at the top of the wheel and I can just make out my parents faces waving from bottom when everything stops. The lights go off and the music disappears, and for a second I think the world has frozen. The Ferris wheel attendant speaks over the intercom, mentioning something about technical difficulties, but I don’t hear him instead all I can hear is my own heart rate increasing and my breathing becoming faster. The shouts of worry and fear among the crowd is deafening. I look down and I freeze finally realizing how high up I am. High up, all alone, in the dark surrounded by nothing but air. It’s a good 30 minutes before the wheel turns on again, but it feels like days. My tight grip on the railing has turned my knuckles white and as the wheel descends down I’m shaking in my seat with my eyes glued shut. I get up and my legs feel like jelly. My parents rush to my side to try and comfort me, but the damage was done, and for every year that followed I never did go on the Ferris wheel again. My fear of heights didn’t always interfere with my #life my the times it did were devastating, until one day I had had enough and realized that maybe I was exactly right, maybe going to the center of my fears was the perfect remedy to weakness. Maybe this moment of insanity was the antidote to my fear. “Look lady are you going to jump or not. You know there’s plenty of other people waiting in line right?” The bungee jumping instructor announces in-between each chomp of his gum bringing me back to reality. I check my harness, not once, not twice, but three times. Okay maybe one more just for luck. “No, I’m ready.” I say fast before I can change my mind. I step on the platform and hold my breath. “Okay lady on the count of 5”…this is it…”4”…adrenalines rushes through my body…”3”…the feeling in my body bursts back, and I feel more alive than I ever have…”2”… the mix of emotions is overwhelming, its like I’m on fire…”ONE!” The ground beneath me disappears and suddenly I’m free, more free than I have ever been, holding on just by a single harness. Suddenly the great vastness of nothing beneath me isn’t cause for fear, but celebration instead. My mind, my soul, my body are one. I’m flying.