The Useless Krampus Do you know of Christmas time? A day of gifts and joy sublime? A time of laughter, feasts and more... Yet do you know all that's in store? You may know of Old Saint Nick, That kindly man with whiskers thick; Who every year on Christmas Eve, Makes sure that toys good kids receive. But there is more beneath this night, Another part beyond our sight; For as Saint Nick takes to his sleigh - The Krampus lurch upon their way. Horrific beasts, or so it's said, With pointed horns upon their head; They stalk the dark of Christmas Eve, in search of children to aggrieve. They taste the air with snaking tongue, An empty sack upon them hung; To smell out children bad and wrong, Who rightly in their sack belong. For Santa's job, it's plainly known, Is rewarding goodness that is shown; But as for those of greed and spite... The Krampus takes them in the night! Beneath the ground, deep down below, An ancient web of tunnels go; And there The Krampus stalk and creep, Until bad children fall asleep. And then they scratch the earth with claws, Up to a house - it might be yours; And through the floorboards bring their sack, To grab the child and drag them back. But there was once a Krampus known, The others jeered and left alone; For he was not like all the rest, Though he would always try his best. Each "Krampusnacht" he'd clop about, Upon his hooves, to hunt and scout; And when he sniffed a wicked child, He'd tunnel up, with anger wild. But when he broke through bedroom floor, And saw the children breathe and snore, He had no heart to use his sack, And not one child would he bring back. The other monsters called him names, A "Useless Krampus" for his shames; They'd steal his sack and yank his tongue, And feathers on his horns were hung. But once, after the bullying stopped, And back into his cave had clopped; He found a thing was waiting there... A shiny present, wrapped with care! He rubbed his blood-red reptile eyes, But still before him sat the prize; And upon it, a golden card was stood: "From Santa, just for being good." The Krampus roared and chomped his teeth! This all was just beyond belief! No Krampus had there ever been, Who got a gift for NOT being mean!! Enraged he stamped his hairy hoof, And hurled the present through the roof! And snatching up his Krampus sack, Into the tunnels he ran back! Oh what a Christmas Eve he wrought! So many naughty children caught; Through towns and cities his anger flared, And not one wicked child was spared! And when the sun eventually rose, And back to fellow Krampus goes; He showed them all that he has done, And ALL decreed that he had won. Thereafter he would ever be, The fiercest Krampus you will see; And each and every Christmas Eve, No more gifts, would he receive. But what was that gift? We'll never know, But this of Santa's I'll bestow; When giving gifts, his wisdom heed: Its not what you WANT, but what you NEED.