My Introduction Starting a story, or even knowing where to start a conversation when first meeting someone, or first talking to someone is something I've always struggled with, from the awkward eye contact to even forcing the word 'hullo', to come from my uncharacteristically quiet mouth. To those that know me, for me to say I'm shy is like sunbathing at nighttime.. It does not make sense, or come closets what they know as the truth. A series of blurts and babbles and for lack of a better term, utter shit ( or perhaps verbal diarrhoea ) would pour from my lips or even as now, from my hands to the keyboard, probably much as the words are falling onto the screen now! So I suppose the next thoughts will be, what is this about? And who am I? This will be merely about observations throughout the #life of a pessimist, atheist and generally a glass half empty kind of person. I am forever the grumpiest bastard I know and very much believe in the Pareto principle....I say believe, I believe there is an 80/20 divide, but I believe that it's more like 80% of the time, I am right, 80% of the time, things are in fact shit. If I believe this, then when that little 20% happens, I am pleasantly surprised with #life's little surprise outcome and have an extra spring in my step, and if I'm right, well then I'm the most smug bastard with an 'I told you so' attitude and remain grumpy and knowing better than those who would be ever optimistic and let down. I realise that this almost describes a manic behaviour with moods in great peaks and troughs, but it is all part of who I am. I didn't study English literature or attend university, or even finish the college course that I had taken. Following a childhood dream of wanting to be Slash from Guns'n'Roses, I had taken music and commenced with perusing the ream of becoming a rockstar. Looking back at it, I should have gone for something even more unrealistic like an astronaut, as at least then I may have studied more science and useful things which would help with the stacking shelves or managing a McDonalds with other post graduates.....oh what a complete bastard for saying that! Of course, I do not mean it. Having worked at a McDonalds as my first job, I can assure you, that there were very few people that could spell physics let alone sit in a classroom and good heavens, get a degree in it! Anyway, if I did push myself that little bit harder, then maybe work would be easier to come by, I would be more self disciplined and would have earned the right to wear tweed, drink tea and even made some better choices in #life. Having said that, I never regret the choices made, as they were made for a reason and all another stitch in the rich tapestry of #life! I do not in any way have a bad #life it must be said. I have made some poor choices and have been left with scars and consequences, but they have pushed this bitter old (not that old) pessimist, to better himself, even to the point of travelling the world and checking that other people are doing the right thing! Somehow, being a miserable bastard who thinks he knows right, makes me more of a people person and personally I think that is complete arse. I'll never be a people person and would gladly go for a walk in the rain rather than be in a room full of people who wish to converse with me about things I have no interest in. I am Victor Meldrew, Eeyore and Rabbit and a plethora of other grumpy and miserable characters in one, but yet, others look towards me for comfort, sometimes guidance and occasionally knowledge, yet I don't have the foggiest idea why!?! I'm realising as I slowly read back what I'm writing, that I have already started to babble, which can only mean I'm not entirely comfortable with writing down something that as far as I know at the moment, nobody will ever read. Will I put this in a blog? If I do, it'll damn sure be anonymous and I'll try my best not to give away names, but if anyone I know does read it, they may know its me. To my friends I am loyal and to my piers I am respectful (for the respectful side of things we will go with the 20% of the time and 80% being a cheeky bastard! ). To my family, I am a son and a brother and to my girlfriend, I am no doubt and eternal pain in the behind and a burden of uncomprehendingly gigantic proportions, but at the end of the day, each and every one of them accept me for who I am. A moaning pessimistic git. I do have to add, that I'm also thoughtful and generous to those who deserve it, so if I don't bring you a gift when I travel, or offer you a drink in a pub, or request your time and company, chances are, I don't like you and am just being polite when you're waisting valuable oxygen from the same room that you are fortunate enough to be in with me. Yes, he has claws and teeth and a very loud bark when tired. Truth be told, I'm a very big dog that in fact would sooner be scratch behind the ears. Ok, enough bollocks and analogies and on with #life's little observations about a Brit abroad and at home and what it's like to be someone that you the reader, should hope NOT to be!