Eating Disorders And Their Impact. I've suffered from eating disorders since I was a young teenager and now, at 19, I find myself back at the beginning of my anorexia and bulimia. Needless to say it annoys both me and my current boyfriend, Ryan, with just how afraid I have become of food. I feel sick at the slightest hint of fullness and often find myself worshiping the toilet bowl. Don't get me wrong, I am trying to get out of that mindset again but I have this unnatural fear of being 'fat' and imperfect. I don't want to live my #life this way, always counting calories, vomiting and exercising, but I really think that once you have it - you have it for #life. It's hell to anyone who has it or loves someone who has it and it's not just as simple as 'eat'. I know I need help, Ryan knows I need help - It just won't allow me to.