Oh Legally Blonde... "and how long have you been sleeping with mrs. Windam?" "three months." "and your boyfriend's name is?" "chuck." "..." "wait no i missunderstood i thought you said friend. Chuck is just a friend." *chuck stands up from the audience* "YOU BITCH!"

My words portray every thought that i have Show them in color or in black and white And show the experiences ive had Spoken words are hard but easy to write Not only #poems but songs and books too They all show you how i really see #life And Written words let my true self shine through While when i speak my emotions just hide Not all beauty is seen some is just heard And that is the kind i know how to make The colors and sights flow from every word Because when i draw it it all seems fake Creating this beauty comes easily to me And this is the beauty that you hear but dont see

I always hear people talking about everyone theyve lost. Ive lost a lot of people mentally and even physically but only three people in my #life have actually died. The first were my great granparents. They were my best friends when i was little an i love them so much. They always played with me even though they were 90 something. I didnt think that was weird then but now i know that tjose stupid games were probably boring ad hell by themselves. But since i was there they had fun. I miss them so much. They died about four or five years ago. I dont really remember how long. I have so many fuzzy memories of them. Theyre those ones that you dont want to loose, the ones from your early early childhood. The ones that slip away but you hold on to peices of them and try to fill in the blanks. But then the memories become a lie and they just make you feel worse abojt it. The other person is my grandfather. I miss him too. I never met him. He died 17 years before i was born. I miss what could have been. I miss the possibillities of memories. It makes me sad to think about it. I never even met him but i love him. I disnt even know how he died until a few month ago. But i feel like i know him somehow. Not like when you hear stories about people. Ive never heard a single story about him. No one ever talks about him anymore. Im sure they used to but its been thirty years now. I feel like i should know him. Like he should still be alive, still here. But he isnt. His death doesnt make me sad. I dont have a reason to be sad. It just makes me feel like theres somethig missing. Like im incomplete.

Might As Well Pour Out My Heart Because No One Will Read This Anyway . Sometimes i feel like i should run away. All i ever seem to do is hurt people. I never help them. They might be happier without me. I know they love me. But after a while it would be better for them anyway. Maybe i should just leave. I should just go somewhere. And never come back. If i visited them, the hurt would be renewed. But if i never came back they would forget and i would never be able to hurt the people i care about again. That would be the last time. And i would be positive of that. I know it would be hurting them another time. But at least then i know it would never ever happen again. Im not considering suicide. I would never follow through. Im just saying when i get out of highschool or college or whatever i would break away from them. And never come back. Never hurt them again.

And so i run. I run from you. I run from hatred. I run from my #life. But i cannot run forever. I will tire and fall. And i wont get back up. I will stay there where i lay, crumpled and alone. Not letting anyone help. So i will stay that way. Even if you help me up one day, i will never be strong enough to stand. And so i will fall again. Harder this time. And harder every time. Until, i black out. But i will wake up. And you will stand me up. Just to fall all over again. Until one day, i never wake up. All because i ran from my #life. Because i ran from you.