Chapter One - New Beginnings "Ok thanks Mark." He said, closing the bedroom door behind him as his new landlord closed the front door. Sitting on the bed he surveyed the room, it was small but liveable. It was just what he needed, a quiet room in a house share where he could find himself following the break up of his marriage of 7 years. He had married young, he was only 26 now & had married Julie far too soon. They married after 18 months of a relationship & had done it all, bought a house & had a nice car on the drive. But for now, that meant nothing; this was his chance for a fresh start. He glanced at the holdall which held his belongings, everything was in there from his clothes to his personal items. Some of the bigger items he had taken & left at his parents so they could be stored there, but for now his world was contained in a large black holdall. After an hour or so he was almost completely unpacked & sorted. He stood up & looked at his new room, it was fully furnished & all he had to bring were his clothes & any other personal belongings he wanted to make the place his own. There was a double bed, a large wardrobe, a chest of drawers & tv stand with a nice flat screen television. He sighed as he sat back down on the bed, he had everything and it was gone. He rolled up the left sleeve of his t-shirt & looked at the cuts. He welled up as he remembered sitting on the kitchen floor doing this to himself. Unable to cope with the realisation that his wife was having an affair, he blamed himself & took it out on himself. He hid it from his wife , she couldn't know about the #depression though by that time he knew it was of little significance. A noise from outside the room startled him, he got up, taking a deep breath he opened the door & went to meet one of his house,ages.

Chapter One Tears fell from his deep set brown eyes, he screamed though not in agony. This was a scream of relief. His anger, pain & frustration which had build up over so long were finally free, released from his aching mind. He looked down at his arm, his breathing was rapid & heavy, bright red blood trickled from the horizontal cuts he had made, the pooled on the cold wooden flooring upon which he sat. He put the blade down on the floor, looking at his hand as he did so; there were small cuts to his fingertips where he held the glad. He was unaware of anything around him, looking at his arm he drew breath, trying to summon up the courage. He was finished, a disgraced young man. He popped tablets out of their plastic casing, letting one after another fall into his hand. Wincing, he pulled himself up & took a large swig of vodka from the half empty bottle & put the chalky tablets into his mouth. He screwed his face up as the fiery liquid burnt his throat. He slumped down to the floor, rocking back & forth as he brought his knees up to his chest. "I'm sorry." He wept, "so very sorry. I...didn't....mean to hurt...you." He allowed his exhausted body to lay on the floor. "I'm so sorry" he continued as his heavy eyes closed. He relaxed for the first time in a long time as his breathing slowed. "Wake up. Sam wake up honey" she shook him heavily trying to wake him from his demon filled slumber. "I'm sorry!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. He sat bolt upright in the large king sized bed, the faint glow of a streetlight penetrated the thin curtains. His pyjama top was drenched in sweat. "What??" Suddenly the realisation that he was dreaming dawned on his face, his panicked face now turned to worried. Kicking the thick feather duvet off, he jumped out of bed stumbling as he did. Without a sound he left the room & entered the bathroom, locking the door behind himself. Amanda sat alone on the bed, the bed which they once shared so happily. A solitary tear fell from her eye, rolling down her cheek before falling off her little chin. She sighed to herself as she looked at the empty bed, only a few months ago they lay side by side, their bodies entwined & entangled. That was before the nightmares started & they scared her, the man who was so tormented by these dreams was not the man she fell in love with. "You're going to have to tell me the truth about these dreams. I know you're lying about them Sam." She called, she heard a splash of water. "I've told you about them. They are exactly the same...they mean nothing." He replied. Sam sighed deeply as he looked in the wall mounted mirror in their bathroom. "If they meant something, anything, then I would tell you. Honestly." His right hand moved the sleeve on his t-shirt to reveal the scars on his left bicep. "I wish I could tell you these weren't rugby injuries."