Limerick Of Fish Tank Type #household To start a little ditty right now With a fish tank, that has to be 'wow' Is incredibly bad Not quite sad But leaves a most sweaty brow.

#household In a fish tank bar in Hull The ladies were out on the pull The Codfather fancied his chances The ladies denied his advances as they found him so terribly dull.

Hate It When You Love Me I hate it when u love me It's the worst bit of it all If you're doing your worst Like punching the wall Shouting in my face Making me feel shit At least I understand this But you playing nice? Not one bit You confuse me with the mood swings Happening every hour every day It makes me feel I must be to blame Everything's great I'm told to say Yet though they see the loved up man The great guy who married me They do not see the psychopath The guy who bullies me So what is it I'm supposed todo When sleeping is no longer safe For fear of waking up with your dick in my ass And I feel like a 4yr old orphaned waif Where I can't cry or scream Or say stop stop stop Cos if I did what would happen then You'd make sure you topped me up You can seem quiet and shy Insecure and alone But if I could just show them the other I live with My true situation would be known So now here I am All down and quite sad For leaving him, whenever I have the courage And no fear, I'll be very glad It's easier said than done tho u know I feel a coward and that much is true As if I left him I'd be only on my own In my #life forever blue Domestic abuse crept up on me From words and bits and a break But 4yrs on it is now as it is Where I wake up to a sadistic rape You see my dilemma You know it goes on So don't be a me Leave him before it carrys on

Roller coaster waves of the emotional degree. This ride is a strange one I'm sure, for I am buckled in so tight, I couldn't budge an inch if I tried. There are many ups, some downs and an obscene amount of twists, turns and loop-de-loops. I scream and scream for I do not like this ride, but no one can hear me so no one can help either. The wierdest part? For most of this fairground horror coaster ride there is fog. Lots of fog. It makes a surreal viewing, nothing around me seems quite real, almost like being wrapped in wisps of cotton wool, numb to touch, floaty light and disconnected moments. What could this be I wonder? It happens such a lot! It isn't pleasant, nor is it possible to rectify, and so therefore I am glad that 50% of the time I seem to forget what has just occurred. I can't even tell you how the ride has been today, for most of it I cannot for love nor money remember. This scares me I must say, for I must be on the ride for a reason, a purpose, and to blank the experience out so often feels uncomfortable, and one huge secret to keep. I tell no one for fear of the repercussions. The ride you see,is me and my #life, my daily and past existence, and my future also. I dissociate or space out a lot, I feel numb, disconnected, and almost robotic in my daily actions. I am traumatised seemingly, and if I am honest, yes, I am. I have had more than my fair share of abuse, neglect and attacks. I see a therapist every week, who encourages me slowly, gently, to let myself come out, to share my pain honestly, to deal with what's happened to me and to start feeling again. I numb off all bad and negative emotions you see, I can tell you abuse that has been inflicted on me just like I was telling you what I had for dinner today. Very factually, matter of fact, no emotion to my voice. This I hear is not appropriate, and I must learn to feel emotions again, and to stop disconnecting all the while. She doesn't know I "lose time" for I would be so embarrassed. I wouldn't know what she would say, or indeed what it all means. I feel very alone, on my roller coaster waves of the emotional degree.

Nearly 8 Years... It's been nearly 8 years since you left me. You are meant to be here still with me, to rescue me in my crises, to make my eyes smile again and to give me my Superhero cuddle. You never did get to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, you never held my hand when I miscarried so early to a little girl, you are not here now when I probably need you the most, more than ever. How ironic your passing was. After years of me being unwell, in and out of hospitals, the bleak stamp on me presumed no hope, ever, I am well now of course. Extremely in fact but you never saw that transition did you? Through all the years where you tried to convince me suicide was not an option, held my hand, wiped my tears, held my distress for me when I needed a rest, what did you do? You slipped into a #depression again where this time no one, not even me, could rescue you out of, or convince you to keep holding on. I saw you 5 days before you died, I hadn't seen you in a while and I remember thinking how great it was we were not only in daily phone contact, but we would be having visits and days out together again. You even told me I would see you again very, very soon. Hmmm maybe you could tell I was feeling suspicious? I even said to my mother I believed you wanted to see me one more time before you killed yourself!! Of course she thought I was being absurd, of course she would think that! When you decided to go missing, and the cops couldn't track you down bar the town you were hotelling at, when you decided around 1am was the best time to leave the hotel, to the very nearby woods, use a car tow rope and hang yourself from a tree after calling your then estranged wife, did you even think about me, how I would cope, your daughter??? I try to be angry but as you are you, my daddy, I find I can't. I want to ask if I meant so little to you after all? I know we had our issues but we had talked and resolved and understood these together remember? So, if you were truthful then, why couldn't you stay and fight, for me? I so wish you could know your daughter well. Never mind married, a step mom, nearly qualified as a psychotherapist (maybe I'm hoping to try to save more dads like you from leaving their daughters behind?) and beaten her agoraphobia. I have gone through so many tough situations since being married, with his ex, his kids - you would be so proud Dad. Considering I haven't been well for that long as well, it makes it even more amazing. I miss you Dad. I need you, want you, love you so much. The grief I feel has not lessened that much over time. I was told it would, like with other relatives I have grieved for. They lied. Maybe because it's suicide. I hear it's the most severe bereavement to go through. They were right. I met your Dad, my grandad at your funeral. I am glad we got to know each other, I don't remember when I was a toddler, although he remembered me back then!! He passed now too It hurt, that death too i had only just got to know him for a few years then lung cancer took him. I hope he is with you now, that you have made up, as he was at my wedding so he can tell you all. As a 33 year ild you would think i could let go now, let my Daddy go, but i cant i hurt way too much its still too painfully raw and i really do need you now, right at this moment i cant ask anyone else to help me, to help rescue me you would you would be mad at whats happenned to me but i wont tell anyone else When your Dad is your Superhero and he isnt here with you anymore, what are you supposed to do? die