For Nanna R.I.P. A star that once shimmered, then disappeared from sight Could etch no such memory, nor have burned so bright That it would seem as indestructible as you did. The laughter and smiles, only frowns that you hid Until you could hide them no more, in the dead o the night. Wise to so many, and friendly to so many more, Saying it exactly, what it was that you saw And yet without qualm, always willing to chat Making us pancakes, before we'd even sat Although now closed, you'd always opened your door! As hard as it is to have to say goodbye Never again to look into your eye Wishing to be better, for you to be proud Saying how we'd loved you, saying it loud So you can hear that and not hear me cry Of all the things we'd though you would know The one thing I remember, as clear as the snow Was thinking that you'd be here forever It seemed not to occur, now and never Your wonderful light would dim and go.

What Day? So I'm at Daniels. Would I have ever imagined this? But I'm here and I'm thinking I shouldn't be and the world is spinning as the vodka courses through my veins. I can't believe the atmosphere as giggles escape unchecked. Lisa and I look at each other then burst into a fit of laughter. Dan is in the kitchen fixing me a drink. The vodka is strong, the cola minimal. The slap comes unexpectedly, I can feel the sting and predict the handprint later. A few minutes have passed and the tingle is still present. The other bloke tries to break the tense situation. "Dan, give us a blow job" This falls like a lead ballon and I'm thinking I'm in need of a drink. My hour timer goes off and it's time to have another cigarette. Oh yeah I forgot to mention; I'm giving up smoking. Yes I puff a no nicotine e-cig but I only allow myself one roll-up an hour and so far as of 9am I have managed this! As soon as I get the liquid with a small amount of nicotine in I will cut this down to one every two hours. This is exciting! Last time I gave up for six months, this time I will aim for a #lifetime. The conversation moves on as I smoke my one sacred roll up. The atmosphere, although tense... "Who you talking to, Stella?" This from Dan. I'm not, of course. I'm writing this tale. What am I doing? The thoughts swirl, so it's tense and it's immense and it's like no other time. The other story gone. The other space erased. So where now? I don't know but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Chapter Four - For the Love of Crazy As Arabella came to she found she had been taken to a communal room. She saw a row of chairs opposite where she was positioned, she could also see there were a set of double doors looking out to a pitch dark outside. Confused, she searched around for other signs of #life and discovered nothing but a TV in the corner of the room showing the news. It showed an interview with the daughter of the late Margaret Thatcher, following her death the previous day. Arabella listened, scared and muddled she though of herself as the dead ex prime minister, and as such an evil entity, a tyranny of a woman who would meet her doom, and soon. She thought there were bombers overhead in helicopters ready to drop a nuke right where she was positioned. This is what she had been afraid of the whole train journey back. The people all disappearing over to the other side of the world. In preparation for the devastating nuke to be dropped, destroying nothing but her. Arabella sat there for what seemed like an age, shivering with fear, feeling alone and certain she would come to an end very soon. When she could bare it no longer she jumped out of the chair, screaming for anyone to listen. A coloured man came out of an office to the right, shouted at Arabella to sit back down. "Let me go back to bed" she screamed at him, running towards him as he backed away. He seemed to her to be uncaring and she had no words to describe the feelings and thoughts. Her perpetual paranoia increasing by the minute as the man (was this a nurse?) stood and stared at her. "No! You were disturbing the other clients" he replies sharply. "Now go. Sit" Discomforted and reluctant, needing some kind words but finding only stern faces as she looked about her. She saw just two other coloured people, a man and the woman who had fetched her from her room. They were just looking at her with seemingly blank faces, all three dressed in a black uniform. Tears streamed down her face and she felt like screaming and running but there was nowhere to run. The thick wooden doors revealed only an airlock through two small rectangular windows, the outside door was almost completely glass surrounded by a thick white plastic. She couldn't have felt more trapped and alone if there were bars on the windows. She was still not convinced that she was even going to survive the night, hearing the helicopter bombers come closer, she squeezed her eyes shut, more salty tears reaching her mouth. The nurse called Ursula takes hold of her shoulders and leads her back to the chair. "But I can't sleep here" she protests, opening her eyes. "I need to sleep, I can't stand this nightmare!" "Sit there. Settle. You can go to bed when you are calm." Relenting, Arabella sinks back into the uncomfortable leather chair, hangs her head and continues to cry, silently this time. The jumbled voices of her mind telling her that she was not safe. She would be found out. Punished for the evil in her soul. Made to repent for the nasty thoughts that emanated unwittingly from within. Her rational self would have never entertained these thoughts but in this state she no longer wanted to be Arabella. Filled with an abundance of guilt, for things that just happened, through no fault of her own. But someone had to take the blame and the only person she could justify blaming was herself. Sinking further into this distressing reverie, she slowly passes out.

Living #life is precious, that's what they say, Learn to live just one more day. As one door has closed another opens wide, Stay with me, don't you hide This time. What are you waiting for? To open yet another door, The expanse of #life came to foretell, This place on Earth was Heaven, not Hell. Loves light is strong within family, Widen your eyes and concentrate to see Flashes come of inspiration and fun, Tell me. Now let us become one. The day has dawned within my soul, Mixing mind and body to make the whole. The journey's long, do not be afraid, Everything that ever was.. had to be made.

Chapter Three - For the Love of Crazy The elephant graveyard she danced around was scary but magical. The long gone carcass and flesh left only bones and paths that intertwined between each ancient creature. A shadowy man stood stock still in the distance, seemingly looking at her. Strange, but the man made no sound, only stared, ghost like and willowy. She did hear the sound of the early morning birds, the ones up before the light of the sun. The 4am shadows of a cool Autumn morning lay all around her as the wood and bracken crackled beneath her feet. The smell of the pine trees fill her nostrils as she looked at how they surrounded the graveyard. In front of her they stood tall and proud, dominating the horizon. To her right seemingly smaller, but with just as much authority and to the left were younger trees, not yet reaching the potential of the other monstrous giants surrounding her. Just behind her were some newly planted saplings, and glancing at these she was reminded of family, a concept that filled her with dread. She starts to sing an old religious song from school, 'Give me Joy in my Heart' softly, as a sad kind of joy fills her heart. She catches another glimpse of the mysterious figure out of the corner of her eye, thinking of her father and all that was, all that could have been and all that would have been to come had the rain and ruin not descended. Arabella awoke with a start. Not knowing where she was, still unable to extinguished the lines between the blurry dream state and reality she now found herself within. She felt beneath her a crude mattress that seemed to be covered with a waterproof sheet. Her skin was damp, clammy and stuck to the vinyl. The duvet was made of a course material she wouldn't have expected her cat to lay upon. Memories of the vivid pictures still coursing through her mind, her emotions blurry, she felt uneasy as her actual surroundings came into view. Sitting up and looking around can make out a thick fire door. Feeling claustrophobic and trapped Arabella glances to the right of the door and sees a plastic curtain hanging down. 'Where am I?' She wondered, confused, panic beginning to set in. Grappling with the curtain, she fell into an automatically lit room, the brightness washing over her. Closing her eyes in an almost painful way, seeing symbols beneath her eyelids, the stars (five and six pointed), evil Hitler, the strange figure of a man and a helicopter. She felt as if the past and the future were colliding into one and she could not distinguish between the two. As she fumbles about the bathroom her hand finds a touch sensitive button which releases a burst of water from a shower head, gasping she tries to reach up but is unable to grab hold of anything, eyes blinded by the sudden on-pour of water. "Arabella!" A foreign voice reached her ears as her screaming starts to become a high pitched squeal. She stopped abruptly, almost unaware she had even been screeching and listens intently, eyes still closed against the onslaught of water which was now slowly warming up. Thinking she had imagined things, still seeing the symbols flashing behind her eyelids, trying desperately to stop the water and whimpering softly she almost starts to cry out loud when she hears the strange woman's voice again, quieter this time. "Arabella, what are you doing? You have all your clothes on!" Ursula says, tutting. "Come on now, get out of the shower. Do you know what time it is?" But Arabella didn't, she was shivering as she felt the gentle tug on her arm. "Get off me" she screamed at the top of her voice, "I won't go! I won't do it anymore... I won't... I..." "Come on girl, I am a nurse, you are safe." Ursula replies, tugging slightly more now to get the drenched Arabella out of the shower. "Let us get you some dry clothes now girl." Blinking, Arabella starts to come to, finally relenting to the cool sound of the nurses broad caribbean accent. "Who are you?" She asks, hesitantly, not totally willing to believe it was definitely a nurse. "I am Ursula, a nurse here at Rochdale. Please, come with me" she pulls harder at Arabella's arm, and Arabella starts to relent, gingerly emerging from the now steaming shower room. "There is a good girl" says Ursula to encourage her all the way. "You are safe here, come" Arabella allows the nurse to lead her all the way out into the room she had came from, shivering she notices the light is now on and she can see the uncomfortable bed she had awoken upon. Also within the room was a relatively small wardrobe and a desk which looked like it was made of the same light coloured wood as the bed base and wardrobe. Blinking in the bright light she sees the duvet, dragged halfway across the room, it had a horrible green and yellow cover. "My cats" she exclaimed, becoming hysterical again. "Were am I?" "That is enough. You will wake the other patients. Come with me, now!"