999 Joke Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 999 on his mobile and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?" A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help you. First let's make sure he's really dead." After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"

Water Polo I tried water polo the other day, my horse drowned.

Dinner With A Famous World Chess Champion I was having dinner with a famous world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Mad Guy I went to London a few days ago and I saw this guy and he was saying to himself "I'll show them I'm not mad"

Batteries And Fireworks Police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and on for eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.