Sometimes Sometimes you just need to let go and let your emotions take control. You need to let go and cry about all the things and the people you've lost. Sometimes you need to let the red wall of rage come over you and scream and shout about everyone who's let you down and all the things that go wrong everyday. Other times those are the things you need to forget about and let the perfectness of this moment right here, right now consume you. Sometimes we feel numb and feel nothing at all.

Friend? Aren't friends not supposed to care about what's on the outside? Don't true friends know the real you on the inside and don't care about the outside. Then why do I see you cringe when you look at me, why do you tell me that I need to be more "fashionable", I laugh but its just concealing the hurt I feel on the inside. What does it matter what I where, we're friends .... Right?

The Hidden Me At school I'm the girl in class who doesn't raise her hand, the girl who's hair is her shield. I'm the one who's sheets are covered with doodles and arms with designs. But at home I'm the one who talks the most. At home I'm the voice singing out through the house, I'm the feet dancing up the stairs. At home I'm the one that speaks up and keeps with there argument. This s my hidden self.

Why? Why does everyone remember me for my mistakes? Do they just ignore the good things and go straight to the bad things? Why are they so easily overlooked? Is it because the bad things cancel out the good things, does one mistake put a shadow over all the good things I've done. I've done things beyond good, not to sound cocky but I have, and still they look at the bad things. Is it because they want to look at me this way?

Trying Not Losing Myself I ran up the steps to the music school with my hood pulled up over my face so no one could see the tears streaming down my face. After Andrew and I finally found mom she wasn't happy in fact she was furious shouting that she had said exactly where she was going to be and asking if she had been unclear about where she was waiting. Yes I had thought silently in my head you were unclear. At that point Andrew was already bit upset and then when we arrived at music school he couldn't find my music bag which was apparently some where in the passenger seat, so mom started yelling for him to get out but he thought she was talking to me so he didn't get out until she finally got out if car pulled open his door and practically yanked him out. She handed me my music bag and I mumbled a thank you through my tears and ran up the steps. You may be wondering why I'm so upset about something as little as this but the truth is I wasn't that upset but my brother was and when ever one of my brothers starts crying that get me upset. Have you ever seen the people you look up to and try to protect ( even though I'm the youngest I'm very protective of my brothers ) break down? If you have then you would understand what I'm feeling right now. As soon as I entered the school I rushed up to the second floor into the bathroom before anyone could see my tear stained face. As soon as closed the door I broke down in the safety of the walls where no one could see me. Back shaking sobs racked through I finally got through the worst until I was just crouching on the ground crying and taking deep breaths. A knock sounded at the door " One minute" I called out shakily, I got up off the floor and looked at my face in the mirror. My eyes were red and you could easil see the tracks of my tears. I put some paper towel under the faucet and dabbed my face. Then I picked up my music bag and opened the door. I ran into a deep muscular chest not bothering to look up I mumbled a sorry then continued to walk until I reached my Pats door. I took one more shaky deep breath then headed into my piano lesson.