NUMBERS Numbers define the person I am. My highest weight was 135 pounds of Fat and hideosity of a girl not fit for this world. My lowest weight and current weight are one. Two numbers twisted together since forever. I am 60 inches of 92 pounds so a Weight of 92 divided by a Height of 60 times that same height Multiplied by the number 703 Equals a body mass index of about 17.96 which is just under the Calculated average BMI of 18.5 which Technically means I am underweight and Need more fat on these bones that are Showing through this layer of epidermis. My clavicle embossed from Just below my neck and my Spinal chord looks as if it might Crawl out of my skin leaving me Paralayzed and anemic except I'm Used to not having energy and feeling So weak I just might collapse. Although everyday I find the energy to Count calories and adding them to Make sure I don't go over my limit of 800 a day but even 800 calories seems like Way too much for a days indigestion. So every so often, when I think I've Had too much my fingers take a field trip to the Back of my throat and travels through the Sea of saliva in my mouth until it reaches The back where my uvula resides. And when finger and uvula touch a Signal is sent and out comes breakfast, Lunch or dinner and then I am satisfied. Satisfied so much that I continue to starve and Reject each fattening carb until I am No longer as satisfied as I once was and It happens all over again. I hide my lovely addiction to be Beautiful because a while back my Parents said I looked too thin so They decided to send me to the looney bin. They analyzed my psyche coming to the Conclusion that I have an Eating disorder not otherwise specified with an Acronym of E.D.N.O.S. and they tried to Convince me that I was too skinny and I Needed their help to grow strong but I Didn't believe a word that they said so I Lied and lied till they sent me home and to bed. Now all I wear are baggy layers of clothes To school and back is the only place my body goes. I stopped seeing friends and I stopped going out because All they wanted to do was devour evil-like carbs and After a while they would have noticed that I didn't eat anything at all so now I'm Stuck counting calories, all by myself. All I want is to look like the girls on tv The girls in the pictures at lingerie stores with Pelvis bones showing through panty lines and Bare flat stomachs shown below the bra. Their bodies, perfect, and their lives must be, too. To not have to worry about every piece of Meat they eat and to have the luxury of Going on a snack attack. Although I have to say since my Trip to the emergency room and my Diagnosis of E.D.N.O.S. I have been Wondering what it really means to have an Eating disorder not otherwise specified so I Did some internet surfing using Each 1 and 0 like the surfboard Cutting through the waves of Curiousity growing in my mind since I first Heard the acronym E.D.N.O.S. Apparenty you don't have to be Stick thin to be sick with any kind of Eating disorder whether it's Anorexia or bulimia nervosa and I Guess with all this research I have Realized that maybe I am sickly Best friends with a disease named Ana and her lovely sister named Mia but Ana and Mia are the Only friends I have because they Understand who I am and what I Have to do to reach my goals. They understand and they Encourage me when I grow weak. When I don't think I can Skip another meal Ana reminds me How much beauty matters and when I Can't seem to make my fingers go any Farther down my throat Mia says, "I guess you don't really want this." Her doubt in me pushes me to go The extra inch, the extra mile, To finally achieve what I truly seek. Some seek pain through a steel razor blade, Some would rather burn than bleed, But I seek something more complex. I seek beauty and perfection through Skipping meals and purging meals left unskipped. The number on a scale, The numbers in my head, These numbers drive me to My goals and objectives that equal perfection. I want my stomach to be flatter, The space between my thighs to be wider, This will equal perfection, this will equal beauty. I've considered the thought of Killing myself but not because the Worry would stop and my Biological calculator could finally stop, But because a skeleton has a BMI of 0.0.