My only choice, only love, gay love has limits Through primary school we played. Casually accepting each others friendship, no worries, no problems and no complications... Until the end, when I got a small crush on you, but buried it so deep I didn't know. Being able to hide secrets from yourself sounds impossible but it's, simply like getting a balloon and blowing your emotions in, you noticed the balloon but not what's inside. Eventually after so much pressure the balloon will burst and all it's contents will escape in a short space of time. Causing mass emotion. Over the years I didn't see you I managed to keep it buried, but we were brought back together and my balloon popped. I didn't know how to tell you, but I thought you would at least understand I like guys and not girls. Everything went to how I thought it would, more or less, until I found out you had a balloon too, but it was different from mine. The emotion was different and how it looked also differed from mine. I didn't know how to react, emotions flew in and out of me. Hope, joy, fear, worry, concern, shock, etc. Then you wanted to skip levels where as I wanted to play the game, I wanted a relationship and you wanted sex. Of course I was choked by emotion, I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't want you to hurt me. So I said no but stayed by your side, yet you ask again and again until you had to part ways, for a day. Yet by choice you decided to ignore me, like I was nothing, like I meant nothing all along. All the years never meaning a thing. After months of leaving me alone, I did do as you asked, in hope of being friends. But nothing changed. And yet I still felt for you, despite the heartbreaks I had just from you. When I had to tell my patents I was gay, I told then that day too. So when I told you about this I had just blew it. Used my last #life. Killed myself. Game over. Yet I live on, emotionless, a zombie. Unable to love, unable to care, unable to focus. Exams round the corner and I can't focus. It's not your fault though, it's mine. I blew my balloon till it burst... Or is it my fault... I offered to be friends but you refused, at a cost to me. You asked for sex and I gave it to you, giving my virginity. You asked for my trust once again and ripped me to shreds and left me heartless. Unable to fend for myself. I try to get over you, but your the only other one I know, and I'm forced to stay near you. Like a bug flying into a window or flying into a bug zapper, either pointless and painful, or both. Yet set as traps.

My Pointless Gay #life Of Black And White Cracks The usual random shit that makes my #life complicated that nobody understands or cares about, whilst pretending to give a minimal amount of intrest and just generally not giving a fuck till its too late. Why waist time giving a damn? I kinda do, whilst I kinda don't, and it is my #life at risk so yeah kinda big especially since it would be suicide. But then again if it ended pain will stop and there would be no more fear at all. My dad tells me to either shut the fuck up about my #life or be all sunshine and lollipops living on a fantasy work where everything is perfect for him, despite I'm gay and stuff. My friends say they care but are avoiding me more recently and I didn't really have any anyway, so I feel like I have no friends.My mum tells me to talk to my dad and I can't tell my brothers a flying fuck about my #life for their own sake. Music can cause pain to me, some songs cause seemingly physical harm to come to me where as books make my heart rip itself to shreds more or are boring I somehow live, forgetting memories, like every day is but a piece of sand in my spade which has been left in the beech, and the wind comes along to brush sand onto and off of the spade, but wiping away the build up of a sandcastle I made over the years in a period of months. Making memories seem like nothing, and my #life seen pointless. My heart shattered and broken as disabled my ability to feel emotion, but not to crack and burn. Exams seem pointless and friends seem like dust, here today, gone tommorow. #life seems black and white, no emotion and only the rare black and white beauty, which remains infect in the colourless world we live in. I look for help, a school councillor who doesn't know what to do, a dad who won't let me have therapy, family and friends who don't are and just shut me off. What's the point in fighting anymore? I've lost hope and I feel already dead. The end may come soon...

Another Day, Another Battle (chapter 1) Another day, another battle. Chapter 1 - Switching Roles " Scientists have just announced a cure to the global pandemic vector-flu which has caused over 400 million deaths as of yet. So far they have been able to treat a small amount of their own scientists and there have been no side-effects. Reports show us that they will have the cure globally distributed within the next two months, how they shall distribute it is unknown at this time, but the goverment is providing global protection for the transport of the cure into other countries. The cost of this will come out of any profit they shall obtain by selling the cure to other countries, at a relatively low cost of 3 pence per dose. The goverment claims that they only do this to counter the loss they shall make in transport and the in order to provide their troops with better non-lethal protection against possible attacks. As of yet no more information has been released, if you have any information regarding this please call the BBC and we shall take your call. " The television went dead silent for a moment as the news had just hit the millions of people in england, let alone the billions worldwide. The screen slowly fadded to dead black as everyone processed the information they had just recived and began planning their own moves as each individual had their motives to wanting to have the cure. Be it the control of #life and playing god, selling the cure for money and becoming rich, or saving a loved one or a friend. Kiko picked up the magnificent black pistol which had been laying on the white wooden desk and had been calling him towards it, he knew what he had to do and he knew what price he would have to pay if they caught him. He then followed the trail of items on the desk to pick up his lightweight backpack which is filled with assorted items such as plastic restraints, sleeper darts, money, Id and Sakiya's ministry of defence badge. But of all the items his heart was set on the badge because it reminded him of his true love. "Focus" He muttered to himself under his breath as he plaved the dart gun into the bag. He stood thinking about his targets, they weren't the police, but he would be accused as a possible suspect for being in the middle of a firefight especially since his dart gun looks so much like a regular fire-arm. He couldn't just stop the gang war from taking place either, or the police from being slaughtered as they crossed through the streets with the cure. Then he thought about the possible things they would do to him if they caught him instead, torture, rape, death, it could be anything, but he couldn't afford to get caught or stop. Saikiya's #life was on the line. If Kiko's true love died then he wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself and would only end his #life to be with Saikiya. He thought of himself as being Juliet and waiting for Romeo to save him, but then he realised he was Romeo this time and Saikiya had become Juliet. "No stop it! You can do this!" Kiko shouted at himself for confidence and because Saikiya wasn't their to help him. "Saikiya... this is for you." He whispered out to Saikiya who laid on the couch opposite him in the vector-coma, which only few days remained before he would die. Kiko picked up the keys which laid on the table and slipped them in his jeans right-hand pocket, then picked up the mask and hoodie as he walked towards the door and dropped the items as he reached it. He stood next to it as he covered himself up, he slipped on the hoodie so that he wouldn't go out shirtless in just his jeans, socks and custom made free-running shoes. Just before he put on the mask he whispered out "Saikiya I love you. Now and forever." Then picked up his bag and swung it on his back, slowly opening the door then closing it gently behind him as his last message of love to Saikiya before he began the impossible task. He took the keys out and locked the door. And left his innocence locked in too. His heart focused on rescuing Saikiya.