Blanked It all started when I took my first crack pipe. I met a man that I believed was 100% for me. Little did I know or realize what he was really after. I did everything for him. I even put him before my children and family. I started selling myself to fund both of our habits and he never told me to stop! At this stage I should've heard the alarm bells, but I still couldn't work it out. Until one cold morning when I did something terrible, with him also. Once we were picked up by police and taken in interview, I took all the blame to stop him from going back to prison. It didn't hurt me until I heard that he was in prison for shoplifting and not once did he think to write. Instead, he blanked me. Details were then given from him to another man, -my details. Now that hurt me. ##poetsin

Clean And Collected When I look into the eyes of my dear beautiful child I see all of their pain and forget all of mine It’s never nice to know the pain I’ve caused them But I find comfort in knowing the next step for me Is staying away from all the dangers I once yearned for Even though I haven’t seen My two youngsters for over 8 months I know that when I finally get out of here We can spend the rest of their #life together and happy. I hope that one day they forget The mum I used to be Because the mum that they’re going to see Is going to be so different and new That they will find comfort in all the Great days and nights We can now have as a clean and collected Woman I’ve now become. ##poetsin

Reflection If this was me in the picture, I would feel as if the world was going too fast and that there was nothing I could do to stop it. It’s as if I had enough of the #life I used to lead and now it was time to stop and think and maybe start again. It would be me at a seaside and world and time has hit me in one go, voices and people and things that have happened are all going on around me, making me see the bad for what it really is and trying to make me realise there is hope for a fresh start and a new beginning, but it has to come in me and I have to want to change and see the errors of my ways before I can properly change for the better. ##poetsin

The Real You I really feel strongly that no one knows, or sees, the real me. The question is “do you think people see you differently to how you are?” and I can definitely admit that no one knows the real Jemma. Only maybe one true friend, who is more like a sister to me, and who I live with and spend a lot of my time with; who helps me and cares for me, and deep down knows the real Jemma. I believe that in HMP (aka -prison) you often have to show the strong side, or show off to try and act like a hard girl. Different groups of girls act different so you change daily, or even hourly. Also with staff that like or hate you, you put a barrier up to, again, show the strong you. I really do believe that in prison, you never really have a handful of real friends. Hourly, you change the real you to show them that you could be just like them to gain a place in ‘the cool girls gang’ so deep down you truly are the only person who knows the real you. Like I wrote earlier, in this place that I’ve called home for the last 8 months, there has been a lot of girls who have been in and out, and have noticed the change in me. They say, “Jem, you are so different” so then I know they never knew the real woman I was. I have finally, after all this time, met a beautiful and wonderful girl who I class as a best, true friend and I know she knows the real and true Jemma. She’s never treated me differently. We now live together and I can tell her anything, show her anything, and be the real Jemma without the worry of her or anyone, treating me different. Most people here don’t, or have never known the real me, and wouldn’t even know the real way I spell my name and I have spent 8 months with them. I now can honestly say that I believe people see me differently to how I am really as a person. ##poetsin

Bleed For My Boys Here I’ve been for far too long In prison, where everyone is strong But day after day, I always think Of how my boys have lost their mum In a tiny little blink They’re far too little to understand That mummy hasn’t seen them For over 8 months My mum can’t put into words To explain where I’ve gone So all they’ve known is mummy’s not there No one knows what sentence I’ll get So still my boys will never forget That I have lost nearly a year of their #life But I know one day I will be back in their #life There’s never a second That my heart doesn’t bleed For them three boys I just pray I’ll be freed ##poetsin