4 Rollin' at or five under Volume up, bass boomin', like thunder Turn these niqqas heads to make 'em wonder. Because for me, it's drive slow and stay low, for I don't know where I may go. All that is known is that I am going On whatever path that is shown

My Paradox Of Change I feel so out of place, so unwanted. I need a change, quick. But I'm so goddamn scared of change. How ironic. That which I need the most is very thing that I fear the most. Even more paradoxical is my ever-looming graduation. Less than two weeks. After that, everything changes. The people I know, the places I'm familiar with, the routine I've maintained for twelve years...all of it is going to be gone. Perhaps the worst part is the fact that I'm incapable of preventing this. It's impossible. Fuck me. I need a damn cig, but I'm out until tomorrow. Fuck me running. Right now, I want to die. Fuck.

Wish Me Luck To keep my eyes open, burns, even with no light present. But closing them is impossible. Each time that I try and close them to attempt sleeping brings about an immense restlessness, an insane uneasiness. It's inexplicable, this emotion. Many a cigarette and quite a few pill have been inhaled and consumed with hardly any noticeable, let alone effective, result. Any rational reason for this insomniatic condition escapes my mind. With that, I guess I am left no option but to consider the inconsiderable and try and rationalize with the irrational. What this is I'm dealing with in particular I haven't any inkling. I guess then, to start this inconceivable journey, I should ask for the first of many abstract forces of the irrational: luck. Just wish me luck.

3ish Even though you'll never know Even though I'll never show But you...you had me at hello

It's disheartening to know that what I want the most,...I just can't have. Perhaps even more sorrowing is that not a single person in the known universe can possibly assist me in getting what I want. I've been bombarded by endless "pep-talks" given by people who try to at least pretend to give a shit or two, but I only become more discouraged due to the fact of what I realize after every pep session; and that is that of all things said for me to do to help me in my dilemma, I can do none of them. You see, I've realized that I am the sole individual who has the capability of "fixing" my situation. However, I've also come to realize that I just can't. No matter the immensity if my want or of anyone else's want, I can't. It is this inability that causes me the most grief; knowing it is completely my fault and being unable to do shit about it. I just...hate it...to no end...but it's an empty hate, because in the end...I can't do anything.