big glass box do you know that metaphor about how you built walls around you to protect yourselves from the outside, but isolating yourself in the process? that is not how i feel. this is something different, something more complex. this is more like trapped in a big glass box. you see them and they stare right back at you. you are absent in the middle of them and they can feel your presence. you are right there. but that is as far as you go. they might talk to you but never a full conversation. you hear their voices yet had no idea what it is about .you blend in but you are not a part of either of them. you are all alone, trapped between the crowd. it was sad and pathetic, and there is nothing you want more than getting out of that fucking box. you start to wonder what can you do break free? so you knock and knock and knock. no one notices. then you pound and pound and pound. still, no one reacts. so you slammed your body to the glass surface over and over and over until you have no power left. yet not even one of them moves. it is only a tiny noise drowned by the sea of chitter chatter. you fell down to your knees, too exhausted and hopeless too even sob. that is when you realized, when your eyes finally widened, your vision opened beneath your surrounding. you are not trapped inside. you are locked outside. as much as you reach out no one will grab you by the hand. you can't get in. you are a stranger, an acquintance at best. you will never be one of them. that is how i feel. suffocated by the wide space. nauseous of the thin air. i have never felt such despair, such torturing and breaking and crumbling feeling, more than loneliness.