Okay, Dear....i don'treally know...no one reads this anyways! In the past I watched my weight a bit too closely for anybodies taste! I deprived myself of having the wonders of food to have that nice thin body, that deeply wanted thigh gap and none of those hideous love handles. Everyone was mad and kept telling me to stop I had gone too far! But I was happy with how I finally looked and isn't that whats important! Yes i admit it wasn't very healthy and I miss out on the gifts for more than half a year. Mom made see the doctor who forced me to gain! And Oh.Did.I.Ever! So much in so little time now I'm back to scare A. back with the weight once again bringing me down and not making me love myself....but everyone else seems happier.

On The Way To Finding Me! I feel like such a shitty person! I know I've done mistakes and actions do speak louder than words....sadly I did no actions...! I feel like ever since I was a kid there was THAT girl in the movie that I wanted to be just like...the one that was simple,down to earth and had 1 or 2 friends! One who was honest and kind and seemed so special! I felt like I had to he just like her in high school! Then came my turn when I entered secondary and I made more then 2 friends in the running and got a little known...but I felt wrong I guess...cause for some reason I think that if you know lots f people and they know you...that you're just like everyone else, accepted, ordinary, part of the mob...See I thought that girl in the movie was not accepted by the majority because she was different and what I want the most IS to be different! I guess I feel guilty in a way? Am I in the right place? With the right people? The girl in the movie never did anything mean to anyone she was always the sweetest. I can't say so for myself...why? I know what's wrong and I know what's right! So why? I'm sorry...I'm sorry I lack in guts...I'm sorry I'm a shitty person...I'm also sorry to myself cause yes being different is important but being yourself is sacred! We all wanna be different, that's what makes us all the same? Fuck you. Sorry if there's about 50 different thought in about 289 words!

. I can't take anybody anymore...i need an escape. S.O.S

Exactly! I don't know what I'm going through right now. If I did I would vent it all here. Lot's of different thoughts! Ughh I almost had it....Ah! Sometimes I feels like I don't belong, even to my clique! A clique....how stupid but so strong in influencing who you are and what you do! Why do we conform in the thoughts of the mass!?! Cause we don't wanna end up alone and marginalized like the person your clique does not accept but that you find pretty damn cool! Why are we afraid to stick up for whats right even if it means standing alone?Why do I do whats wrong if I know its wrong? The excuse of everyone doing it is pretty sad! I wanna be different and 100% not phony. Thats who I think I wanna be, but I think deep inside I would rather not be alone! What a disgusting dilemma of mankind, that so many have gone trough, all picking the same path...the one of the not standing alone but the one of standing on the other side looking down.

The Way You... We all say different things when faced with a same situation and I think that the definition of personality is, yes what you like and don't but also the reactions you have and how you express them, or the questions you ask. I think you can like someone better cause you liked their reaction better or what they had to say better. The other could have said the same but in a simpler kinda way and that way could have been just bland. I don't think this makes much sense...it did in my head, I'm sorry...I do express myself in a very bland kinda way.