Myself I tend to keep things to myself. I find it easier that way. My friends are always telling me not to keep my feelings bottled up inside. But honestly? I can't help myself it's because I know people are going to judge me. People are just going to think my problems are phatetic. So what's the point in telling them to someone? Not like it's going to fix my problems, or make them feel better. She denies it... But the truth is, she's falling in love with him.... The secret side of me I'll never let you see I keep it caged But I can't controle it So stay away from me The beast is ugly, feel the rage And I just can't hold it It's scratching on the walls In the closet, in the halls It comes awake And I can't controle it. Her eyes looked dead!!! It's blood that paints my lips... As you see, I'm in a very weird mood today. Seems like I'm getting bad again. These days I can be really dangerous for myself and this is prob the only way for me to forget about everything. Writing, good music and peace. Sometimes I manage to lock out all the world for up to 4 days. And sometimes I just walk around all smiley and happy in frnt of other people. Ahh pretending that everything is ok with you is the worst part of all. You know if I would ever tell anyone how I feel they would just think I'm looking g for some god damn attention. Reason I keep so much inside. I'm so sick and tired of #life. Fml!!!

... One I was afraid of the dark. I can't really explain how I came this far, but I'm not afraid anymore. I guess it's because when I felt in the dark the monsters creeped up on me. They are still here. With me. Every moment of the day. They have taken over my #life and they brought me to a part that I don't care about dying anymore- because in the inside.... IM ALREADY DEAD...

Art I knew a girl who liked to draw She drew pictures that nobody saw She was most artistic late at night In the bathroom, out of sight She kept a secret no one knew She didn't tell a soul and her gallery grew Her drawings was different, no paper or pen But needed a bandage, now and again We stood by the rive, under the stars She rolled up her sleeves and showed me her scars She felt embarrassed and looked down at her shoe Than I rolled up my sleeve and whispered "I DRAW TOO"

Fml!! So it's the 5th today?! Not really sure haha. So I went back to my old house to finish cleaning before I give back the keys to the landlord and i was doing some dishes and somehow (just being me) I manage to cut ma hands all over with a glass that just randomly exploded in my hands... Rang my sister to pick me up as I wasn't able to do anything anymore and guess what.. I got accused for cutting myself!! Wtf! My mother told me she would be so much happier if I would go see a councilor again. ( saying again because I used to have big problems DEPRESSION) Fights don't really bother me, but now they think I'm gona commit sueside or something.. Stupid people. Ugh!!

And I Still Wonder! So it's the 4th of January! I can't believe the time have went by so fast. There has been something bothering me all day. I've had loads of relationships but the one I'm in now is just so different. You know when you get the feeling that things are too good to be right?' I've been seeing an woman abuser, druggy, alcoholic and simply men that had this BIG problem. And now when it comes to my preset boyfriend it just seems unreal!! So all this makes me wonder about LOVE? I know I've never been in love. If something I've been without a heart whatsoever. Relationships never really bothered me. Neither did just guys I like whatever whatever... And now stuck in a place where I get chessy and all just.... ALL OVER HIM!! Is it love!? How do you know when your in love? An why Exactly I'm so scared of it!? Why I'm so embarrassed about it? When it comes to me than I've never showed any feeling to people. Maybe I even haven't had any! I don't remember the last time I cried.. Or the last time I even said awh to something sweet and romantic etc. Feelings doesn't come easy for me.. Like at all!! Maybe it's because of the way I grew up. Or maybe it's just me. But now. This man have me woken up.. (Or maybe made me dream?) Half of me wants to turn around to him and tell him to get outta my #life.. But I don't think I can anymore. Looks like it took me 20 years to fall for someone. To feel?!! But I still have this question that haven't been answered.. What is love? And how do you know when you love?