Size Does Matter !!! My wife said, "Those penis enlargement pills you're taking are definitely working. You're a bigger prick today than you were yesterday."

The Bet Fella fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her anyway & offers her £1000 if she'll have sex with him. "I'll throw the money on the floor, u bend down & I'll be finished by the time u pick it up." the Girl consults her boyfriend. He advises her go 4 it & pick it up real fast, He wont have a chance! An hour later he calls her & asks what's going on... "I can hardly walk" She replys "The bastard used pound coins!"

Two Views 2 WOMEN - are having a coffee and catching up: So, how was your evening last night? A disaster! After getting home, my dear beloved hubby wolfed down in 4 minutes the dinner that took me all afternoon to prepare, "granted" me 3 minutes of passionate love before rolling over and falling asleep 2 minutes later. Nightmare, and you? Oh, mine was incredible.. My hubby was waiting for me to get back home from work. He took me out for a very romantic dinner. We then walked back home, under an amazing starry sky, along the canal, for a good two hours. Once home, he lit up all the candles and we had foreplay which lasted for an hour. We then made love for another hour and we chatted until late.. It was wonderful... 2 MEN - meet at the pub... So, how was your evening last night? Incredible! When I came home, the food was just ready. I ate, we shagged and I fell asleep. Wonderful night, I just love my wife, You? A nightmare! I came home earlier to fix the kitchen shelf. When I switched on the power drill, the fuse went out. The whole house went into darkness. Couldn't find the bloody fuse box, so when my better half arrived, I took her out for dinner. It was the only thing to do to avoid getting an ear-full...! The Dinner was so expensive that I couldn't afford a taxi, so we had to walk home. It took ages and once there, the house was still in the dark, obviously, so I had to light all these f..k..g candles to avoid knocking everything over. I was so wound up and pissed off that it took me an hour to get a hard on, and another one to finish. In the end, I was still wound up and it took me ages to fall asleep, while she kept yapping on and on about everything and nothing.......disaster.

Ann Summers A family is driving behind an Ann Summers delivery lorry when a large dildo flies out and hits their windscreen. To hide her embarrassment the mother says to the children "that was a big insect!". To which the 7 year old son replies "Im suprised it could fly with a cock that size!"

Mates Man comes home & catches his mate shagging his wife, so he stabs him to death... His missus says carry on like that, you won't have any mates left"!!!