Another Stupid Love #poem Sometimes when I think of you, I sit there quietly and tiptoe through our every kiss and every hug, trying to determine when exactly I fell in love. I can't say when but I do know how- every lie you sang to me in every little melody. It was just enough to take me high, just enough to make me fly. I can still feel the warmth of your lips, still feel the softness of your finger tips. I remember each memory and think way back to when it was "we". It feels like nothing's changed until I realize everything's rearranged. Theres no use now, thinking about it all. I just wish I could've seen the future before I let myself fall.

cause when it's gone, oh, it's gone You don't understand how I felt that day when you grabbed my hand and assured me it was okay. I could do nothing but think about what we were about to do, wonder if you were nervous too. My thoughts overpowered everything, and my brain shut off. You took my innocence and then whispered soft, "it wasn't how I pictured, wasn't how I planned." then you left me with just myself and my head to come over what you just said. It's been me by my lonesome ever since then, my fingers on the button ready to push send. I want to tell you all my feelings, all my worries, thoughts, and fears- every time I try, though, all that leaves are tears.

Being Alone Gets Lonely She sits in the corner, quiet as a mouse. Her thoughts are everywhere, bouncing about. The weight of the world is sitting upon her shoulders; each day earning more boulders. What she needs is for you to hold her. Keep her close and listen, be her voice of sanity and reason. Make her throw away the blade and all the suicidal posts that she made. Help her find her way and get better each day because this isn't a #life to live- a #life of "if only" and "what if"s. Be her rock, her god, her savior. Because she needs you now more than ever.

Andria -La Dispute You still cross my mind from time to time. And I mostly smile. Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen, Trying to figure out what my head thinks, But, my head just ain't what it used to be. And then again, what's the point anyway? I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony To see if you could see me hidden quietly away And I remember the skin of your fingers, The spot three quarters up I'd always touch when I was out of things to say. You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak, you were too afraid to speak and I could never understand. I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear, That not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand, And I remember how you smiled through the smoke In a crowded little coffeehouse and laughed at all my jokes. And I remember the way that you dressed and, How we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving, how I barely kept up breathing And I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain, And I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears. How I wept to god in fits. I've hated airports ever since. It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain. And every single day I feel it fade away, but I still remember how the distance tricked us, And lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured. I still remember how we held so strong to this, Though we had never really settled on a way out. I still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way To turn and run to our mistakes. I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again. My dear, I hear your voice in mine; I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear. I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone. I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me. I felt my anger swelling; I swam into it's sea. I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear. It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear. So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head. And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead. If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend. And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end.

I wish sometimes that someone would just give me the answer to the question pounding at the back of my skull. At this point, I feel like #life has no purpose. I'm merely a sack of bones going day by day getting closer to my death. I don't understand why people care so much about living because what good will it do once you're in the ground whether you went skydiving or kissed the boy you like? Perhaps there is a #life after death but then what would be the purpose of death? I can't imagine continuing #life after I'm finally out of my misery. I'm still in high school and already I'm ready for the end.