Tomato Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. Anon

Queens Birthday In 1974, while taking a tour of Australia, which is part of the British commonwealth, prince charles attended a service at a small parish church. After it was over, the cleric apologised for the small turnout: "being a bank holiday weekend," he explained, "most of the parishioners are away.". The prince was most vexed. "not another bank holiday!" he exclaimed, and then asked sarcastically what THIS one was in honour of. "Well," the rector replied l, rather embarrassed, "over here we call it the queens birthday."

Steven Hawkin Joke What's black and at the top of the stairs after a house fire? Steven Hawkin.

Violin Joke Why is a Viola better than a Violin? They burn for longer.

Strap On Ewan: "I've got the strap on." (he was talking about a camera strap but it didn't sound like that.)