Fcuk Ive decided our fate I know what will be but if I say it out loud I can't take it back. I look at you and think how could you not know. How can you not see through all of this and spare me my misery . . I need you to shoulder this for me as I carried your burdens for so long .. I'm not afraid if what will be- I'm only terrified of saying the words. .

2 I woke up today and you were gone .. For a second I worried that you had disappeared again .. That your mind had broken again .. The following seconds were filled with my silent prayers that you had.

1 My mind is clouded How is it possible to think so many things at once .. I try to organize my thoughts .. I try to not avoid them.. I try to erase you from them.. And figure out why you ever mattered enough to invade them.. But then I'm overwhelmed and go blank... I try and force myself to concentrate on the mess.. My chest gets heavy and my mind races.. I pray for a distraction to come about .. An excuse to put this off...