To You I have had to harden myself to be able to cope these last few months. I have gone too far with it. I need to be able to untwist and un-shield a little. I can't do that with you around. I just put on more armour because I know u will hurt me. It was different at the start. Not amazing like you claimed, but fine. Nice. Then you twisted into an angry sharp pointy thing. That jabbed holes in me. Little at first. Then bigger, always striving for a reaction. So I put on armour. More and more the worse you became. But u always found a chink. I wasn't against you. I was with you. You twisted yourself and jabbed at me. Over and over. But now you are getting better u can't understand, can't see the damage u have caused. Because I have put on armour. A lot of armour. To cover the holes and wounds you have caused. And I have twisted myself up inside. To hide. Now I'm harsh and distant. You put me here. And still you jab. And I have nothing left.

Feelings Today i've noticed that one of the hardest things in #life is actually allowing yourself to feel the right emotion at the correct time. For example when we think we should be feeling sad or hurt we often turn to anger as a defence mechanism meaning we never actually deal with our emotions. Or we find something wildly inappropriate hilarious and then spend the next twenty minutes feeling guilty What silly creatures us humans are...

Medication Afraid, Neurotic, crazy. Under. Your. Skin. My devil- Your Angel. Faded, Hazy, Stoned.

Teenage Angst *Language advisory* She’s spiralling out of control, singing Emo bullshit songs in her mind. She watches almost disconnected as her #life falls down about her ears. She saw it coming but couldn’t do anything to stop it. So she hides in alcohol and under the covers. Screaming inside but she cant reach ot to anyone. That’s not her way. Stiff upper lip. Suffer in silence. She puts the mask on everyday and forgets to take it off at night. It reaches crisis point...as it always does before she realises what she has to do. It goes further, almost too late until she manages to pluck up the courage to actually do it. She never feels in control of her own destiny, it is always dictated by everyone else. She’s at fault- she lets them. And then the emo bullshit starts again. Some days she just doesn’t want to carry on. But of course she does. Shes not one for the easy route- whatever it is. She must make it difficult for her... and likely a few others along the way. Who should we blame for our broken hearts?

Living With Cats There's close... And then there's sitting on your face....