tell me first. you don't know how badly i want to. just tell him, what ive been wanting... needing to... since the moment we talked. we shared. we connected. i wanted to say, "i love you." just as a friend but i didnt... because i felt like he would think i was becoming too attached. too needy. too desperate. then something happened... my heart beated faster. my hands became cold and clammy. and i swear the zoo was let out in my stomach. when i look at you, it's not the same. i blush and look down. when you playfully punch my shoulder, my skin tingles at your touch. what's happening ? am i starting to like you... love you.. even more than just a friend? But no, i can't say it. i know you like me too... but what if i say, "i love you." and you dont feel the same. and i would look stupid and moronic and then there would be a silence. then awkward communication and less communication and no more.. communication. See that's why i can't say it even though im dying to. because i really do love you. but i will just wait, until you can say it too so that i would know for sure that you love me too. xoxo Vanessa

happy. big smile, eyes shining bright. but in reality...she's not alright. her bones are breaking through her skin; all she wants to be is tall and thin. she would call out your name, silently through the cries of all the insanity she has trapped inside. obliviously, you don't recognize her unbearable pain. you're fooled (like the others) to her - pretending to be sane- game. and there she goes, clenching her hand to a fist. if anyone asks she will say,"the cat made the perfect parallel lines on my wrist." she can't breathe, she's shaking, her legs buckle, and she falls to her knees. she dies when she's alone, due to her burdensome insecurities.. and no one ever sees... because all they see is her big smile and her eyes shining bright. only assuming that she's alright. that's what happy looks like... they only see the outside... and sadly, oh so sadly... it is unfortunately right.

"it" We wonder at many times in our lives why things happen. Sometimes why the grass is green or why the ocean is so vast. Or the famous question: how is a raven like a writing desk. But mostly, why "it" happens. Everyone has that special "it." And we ask ourselves: Why did "it" have to happen? Why didn't "it" happen? Why did "it" hurt me so bad? (And so on and so forth with the questions we ask.) Everybody's "it" is different. Special. Unique.Personal.

You Stupid Girl. Oh you stupid girl With your heart all torn to shreds. You think you can find someone who Could fill the emptiness in your chest. You find a boy and think, "He could help me. He won't hurt me." But you're always proven wrong. He gets what he wants and leaves you singing the same, old, sad song. But because you are so foolish, And you don't learn from your mistakes, You stupid girl find another boy, And face the same risk and stakes. Then you accuse him of your pain And your sorrow And your broken heart And everything that has been broken in your #life. Don't you see how it's not him, but YOU? It's your fault for making the same mistake Over and over again. You trust those who you shouldn't And you expect too much All leading to disappointment... But really, all you want... is someone. That someone that you read about in stories Or see in movies Or expect in #life. But guess what? Only stupid girls believe in that. But of course, you keep your hopes high Because you choose heart over mind. Ha you ARE a stupid girl, and everyone knows that. It's why they take advantage of you, Why they degrade you, Why you mean nothing. But how would you know? After all, you are just A Stupid Girl.

Tired. I'm tired of pretending that im okay. I'm tired of running out of excuses to say. I'm tired of hurting more and more each day when all the pain just won't go away. I'm tired of being pushed around. I'm tired of not making a single sound. I'm tired of feeling bound to pretend to be happy. I'm tired of wanting the clock to reverse to go tock tick. I'm tired of being the girl not picked. I'm tired of being tired and sick. I'm tired of being tired.