:P My Attempt At Being Funny One day, a teacher set an assignment to write a report about anything of interest. Daniel, a student, went home not knowing what to write the report about. He decided to ask his family. "Hey mom!" He called out "what should the first subject for my report be?" "Go away! I don't have time for you, if you haven't noticed yet!" She called out in reply He went to his dad, who at the time was watching darts. "Hey dad! What should the second subject of my report be?" "180!!!!" His dad cried out "Hey Jack!" He called out to his big brother " what should the third subject of my report be?" "BATMAN!!!" Called out his brother, who was watching batman "Hey Nathan, do you have any ideas?" "Riding in my little broom-broom car!" Sang his little brother The next morning, he hadn't got his report in. "DANIEL HILL! Where is your report?!" " go away, I haven't got time for you, if you haven't noticed yet!" "Excuse me mister? How old exactly do you think you are?!" "180!" "Pardon me, Mr. Hill?! Who exactly do you think you are?" "BATMAN!" "How do you think you're going to get out of all of this trouble?" "Riding in my little broom-broom car!"

ABC Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began. "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ." "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P? "It's running down my leg."

Things I've Learned From Being A Kid Ok, so I'm sure everybody has learned something from being a kid, like don't eat the yellow snow, don't take candy from strangers and so on and so forth, but I'd like to share some things I learned, even if they weren't true. 1. If you swear on the telephone, the phone company will get you. 2. If you drink Tabasco sauce, you catch fire, and burp flames then you drink water and it makes smoke 3. If you make a mistake it will go on your permanent record and follow you for the rest of your #life. 4.The lowest form of #life in the school yard is the tattle-tale. 5.You can't change channels at a drive-in, even with that remote control thing you hang on the window. 6.Christmas toys are not made by elves at the North Pole. They are made in factories in places like Hong Kong. If you want to get any more presents, kid, you'll keep your mouth shut. 7.The atom is our friend. Nuclear power is safe, clean, and cheap. 8.Watch your step when you go barefoot around smoking grownups. Oh, and don't step on bees. 9. If someone asks "Did you just fart?" you should say nothing and look sheepish. 10. You can't fly. Christmas songs I learned as a kid Classics such as: "We Three Kings of Orient Are (Tried to Smoke a Rubber Cigar)" "Jingle Bells (Santa Smells)" "Do You Smell What I Smell?" And new favorites, like: "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer (ate poo and died)" "Jingle Bells (Batman Smells)"

My Princess Chapter 1: It all started when I was 16. I was called downstairs as I was many times a day, and I thought nothing of it. As I made my way into the living room I was greeted by a gaggle of unusual faces. Most stood in an awkward silence avoiding eye-contact and occasionally making a snorting sort of noise whilst scowling at one another. I shut the door promptly behind me, in a graceless sort of attempt to try and go unnoticed. I had obviously failed, since all the eyes in the room where firmly set upon me. As I let my eyes travel across the room I noticed that everybody was dressed in elegant clothing and I, in my t-shirt and jeans was noticeably out of place. I was beckoned over my a man with black hair, unusually, it was impossible to tell his age. "Are you Miss. Kristina?" Enquired the man. " yes, I- I am" "I have some news to share with you, it may be a shock, but please do not worry. If everyone would kindly leave, thank you" I stared at my mother who remained Stoney faced and walked with the rest of the large group. When the last person had left, I shifted my attention to the man. He told me that my name was Immy Arwin, the daughter of the queen of the Voiriden Kingdom and that I was needed there. I sat in my seat for a while, unable to move. "Anyway," continued Sebastian, (he had told me his name earlier) " we must get going, now. There is much to do, you don't want to be late, you still have to meet the princes and- " "Princes?!" I echoed in shock " why are we meeting princes?" " there is a dance in 4 months, and you must pick a partner. You have 2 months to pick your partner. I wouldn't be worried, besides, princes from kingdoms far and wide will attend. Anyway, if I may." Sebastian held out his hand and I, in all my drowsy, pathetic, confused panic, took it. I didn't have to pack anything, all my supplies were prepared there, so I said my good byes and I left for Voiriden. Chapter 2: The plane journey was fairly short, but the rest of the way was by carriage, and that took about 2 hours. I talked to Sebastian, getting into in-depth conversations about nothing in particular, until, finally we arrived. A beautiful marble palace, with giant silver gates and the sun glistening behind the tower, I felt happy and excited, but at the same time, I was worried. Maybe this wasn't a fairytale story, where a prince and a princess fall in love, but a tragedy, where I was to lose everything I loved, or even a horror story. Where I would be the last person on earth, trapped and alone for all eternity. Before I had time to think of such things, I was forced into a room where I was pushed and shoved into many different places and positions before I was placed gently in front of a mirror. I didn't look like myself anymore, I looked like a princess. Chapter 3: Before long, I was put in a carriage and taken to a hall, filled with people chattering and such like in a loud blur of sounds. "Now, time to meet the princes" Sebastian happily giggled. The first to approach me was a prince with golden curls. "My name is Ivan" he handed me a red rose. " pleased to make your acquaintance" I nodded. I have to admit i liked him. The next to approach was a dark haired prince " hello... My name is Kai. Nice to meet you. Anyway, now I must leave" well he wasn't much of a talker. The next was a blonde prince who,f or where he was seemed very at ease. "Yo!" He jeered. Although he wasn't exactly polite, he amused me. "Hey!" I jeered back " so you're Immy right?" "Yup, that's me! And you are?" "Oscar! Hey, maybe I could show you round sometime, huh? How bout it" "Cool" I replied "that sounds fun" well, at least that guy put me at ease. Next was a boy surrounded by fan girls, tons, cheering and screaming "Klaus! Klaus!" I was nervous to go up to him but decided to go. "Hi " I said "Oh erm hi, my name is klaus,you must be Im- Kyahhhhh! " it wasn't long before he was dragged away by his fan girls. Well that didn't last long, I didn't even see his face. Oh well maybe next time. C "Oscar.