Funny Blonde Joke Why did the blonde look over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side!

Jail Break Part I "Shut the fuck up kid!" Says J.J "Up your arse you faggot!" I reply, see, we were on a bus and we'd just stopped to refill the bus with gasoline.Oh and this was no ordinary bus, it was a prison bus............... I recall sitting in my front garden, sipping beer without a care in the world, until those fucking johava's witnesses come up and piss me off, preaching the motherfucking "Word of God", man am i fucking pissed off."Wait here friends." I told the morons, as i grabbed my double-barrelled shotgun and carefully loaded in the shells eagerly as my rage filled up within me.As soon as that was finished i retreated back to my house's door, shotgun in hand.Without warning i emptied two shells into the fucking assholes without thinking, blood spurted from the wounds and limbs flew.And just like that I'd killed two people without careful consideration, and knew the consequences would be severe.......... Plz comment and like for part II

Santa It was the day of all celebrations, you know, Christmas.All was jolly and great as the land awoke to look under their trees, expecting the best; yet receiving nothing..... John, a boy in particular, had been especially displeased with this holiday's events.He asked his simple minded parents what had happened.They were unnaturally quiet.......he was going to bed and had just taken off his usual clothes, put on his pyjamas and was about to sleep when he heard the unmistakeable "HO HO HO" of santa,and went to look out the window, what he saw was so horrible he retched and was literally urinating in his underpants, for what he saw was not that of a human man but of a bent back, spider like creature with chunks in his teeth, chunks of flesh in a smiling mouth.John backed away to the door and got his baseball bat as the creature clawed at the window and made a horrible gurgling noise deep in its throat...... Eventually the beast got in and towered above the child, with a sick smile and a laugh he.....it uttered "MERRY CHRISTMAS " and blood sprayed everywhere, with the blood the creature spelled santa, then switch the letters around to spell Satan........ P