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MattMan

Professional Motard with no education YET! Hoping to publish own book.

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  • 01-01-70
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The Invasion Of The Morphs I ran through the forest with the old man on the back. The howls could be heard in the distance. "Hurry they're close behind," said the man. "Will you please be quiet," I asked rudely. "I'm doing the best I can." He was heavy on my back and his breath stank as he was breathing on my neck. We were walking when suddenly we heard a beeping sound. "What was that," I asked. "It means they're getting closer," he said. "You have to run before they catch us." So many questions were in my head. "What's going on and who are they." "The morphs," he said. "That's who." "What are you talking about and what were you shot by again?" I asked. "I was going towards my shelter and all the sudden an arrow shot into my leg and then I heard weird sounds and then you came." he said in a scared tone. "But when I was a young boy my father told me about these aliens called the morphs they came from a distant planet and could take the form of any #life form." Well that just explains everything doesn't it, I thought. We walked until we were at a hill side and down below I could hear a stream of water. "Do you think you can walk if I help you?" I asked. "Maybe but I don't know how far I can go," he replied. We walked until we reached a huge boulder that overlooked the rest of the hill. "Sit down here and I'll climb to the top and see what's past here." I helped him sit down and prop against the rock. Then I started climbing. When I got to the top I stood up for I could look down the hill. I could see a creek surrounded by large rocks not too far down the path and past that was a large group of metal buildings with smoke billowing out. I decided that we needed to go towards the creek and that I would check out the buildings later. I climbed back down. "What did you see up there?" He asked. "We're heading towards the creek now come on." We finally got to the creek and I sat the man in the shallow water by the bank. "Let me see your leg," I demanded. He pulled back his pants leg and blood poured out of the cut I got the arrow out of earlier. "Keep that leg covered I'll be back in a few minutes." I wandered into the woods looking for wild roses. I heard the howls again but this time they sounded closer. Then out of the corner of my eye I seen red roses growing in a bush of thorns. I hurried grabbed a few petals and ran back towards the creek. I tore part of my sleeve off my shirt. I placed the petals on the cuts and then tied his leg with the sleeve. Suddenly a low growl came from behind us. We turned around and three dog-like creatures were ready to pounce. The beeping sounds came back and the three canines howled in unison. "Oh no," said the man. Without letting my guard down I turned back to him. He had his other pants leg raised and a metal bracelet was wrapped around his ankle. "They've been tracking us the whole time." "Ugh!" I yelled. How had I've been so stupid. I turned back to the canines. They didn't seem to have hair but their skin was tinted grey with bluish veins popping out and their eyes were yellow with black slits. I snatched up a large rock but I doubt it would do much against them. The one in the middle pounced but I rolled to the side and the other two followed. The second one pounced but I gave him a whack with the rock. But I wasn't as lucky with the third he ran from behind but before I could turn he took a chunk out of my left arm. I crumbled to my knees and I thought my #life was over. The three surrounded me when a high pitch whistle sounded in the distance and the canines retreated. I fell into the water. I tried to stand and heard the old man say "Thank you for everything Konnor." Then I remembered I never told him my name. I turned around and no one was there. My head started spinning and my stomach started hurting. I fell face first face into the water and blacked out. "And then I woke up, chained to this chair and you questioning me," I told the agent. "What's going on!" "Konnor," the bald man said. "If you're telling us the truth this is no ordinary encounter. Now what were you doing in our forest?" "I told you I was taking a hike, getting my mind off things. My dad always took me here when I was a little kid." The man in man in uniform just sighed and walked out of the room. I was left all alone wondering how I got myself in this. I looked through the glass window and saw the agent talking to a man in a lab coat. I turned and looked through the window that led outside and a tall faceless creature was staring back at me. "Help!" I screamed. "It's an alien help!" A voice came over the intercom. "Konnor calm down you're probably hallucinating! Agent Barnes to Patient P076!" The agent rushed back in the room. "Konnor calm down you're seeing things!" I pointed the best I could through the chains. He turned and saw the figure. He reached for his radio. "All agents to the south side of the building. We have a runaway alien." "Am I going to be safe?" I asked. " Only if you cooperate," said Agent Barnes. "For now on you are dead to the outside world. Your mom, your friends, your family they will all think you're dead. The Morphs are coming and they can shapeshift so you will be able to trust no one. Your best friend could even be a morph." "Can I at least trust you?" I asked. Agent Barnes paused for a minute. "No," he said. "You can work with me but cannot trust me." He continued "You will work alongside with the government until the invasion is over. This is The Invasion of the Morphs."

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Pelaf

I like the idea a whole lot, and it's definitely solidly written, there were just a few things that could use improving, though. The biggest one is paragraph indentation, the key is to make it noticeable to break up the paragraphs, but be careful not to go too far, or else it becomes harder to read the story. I usually use three or five spaces for indentation, I just find that to be optimal.
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Another thing is backstory, always, always, always go into backstories, it makes the story feel alive, like there is a world within it, rather than just words on a page. I liked my story "Ten Thousand Suns." For that reason, it felt like there was a lot of very vivid detail in it, if only because I thought up a backstory for it.
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Then there is dialogue and detail, which are two of the biggest tools in writing. Dialogue is very useful, but it has to be done well, it has to convey a lot, and it takes a lot of practice to get that just right, so use dialogue, but make sure that what they are saying is contributing to the story, not just there for the sake of talking. The book Hatchet is one of my favorites because there is probably 300 words of dialogue in the whole book, if that.
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