Are we self absorbed or do we just want to be remembered?

Chem. I lost my mother that day The sunshine in her eyes faded away Her smile no longer shined It became an acquired taste she no longer dined I lost my mother that month She only got out of bed once She cooked us dinner thrice, Still fulfilling her duties of mother and wife I lost my mother that year She shed her hair that dropped passed her ears Her eyebrows thinned, her lashes disappeared Whenever she cried, makeup no longer smeared Time elapsed and so did she She learned to fight and feel free Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall I didn't lose my mother at all

I O U What she owes me is time and tears. She owes me years of trying to get her to see me as more than a father who never loved her like a daughter. My DNA is not my fault. She owes me open doors, The one she kept shut, The one I stood in front of, with secrets on the wings of the butterflies in my throat, my fist next to my ear in the air, waiting for the courageous cue to knock. I fell in and out of love so long ago that telling her about it now already counts as Once Upon A Time. She owes me from the beginning and everything in between, I angrily tainted too. She owes me the kind of love I always intended to give her. I'm just as hurt as she was. I'm just as hurt as she is. You owe me your time and tears.

Sometimes, when my heart hurts, I place both my hands on the left side of my chest--left under my right--And remember that my heart is still beating. My heart still beats. I am alive. So is she.