Want To. Why Not? See him across the room. Watch him. He sees me. Look away. I want to tell him. So badly do I want to tell him. Tell him how much I like him. That I have for a year now. I was supposed to tell him. Last Friday. At homecoming. Oh how badly did I want to tell him myself. In person. Face to face. I chickened out. Could not get him alone. Could not find the right time. Always with somebody. Always with somebody. She's supposed to tell him today. That I like him. I asked her to yesterday. She going to tell him when we get to math this afternoon . I wonder how that will go. There he is. He walks in and puts his stuff down. She calls his name. And suddenly I'm shaky. I have so many butterflies I am so shaky. They talk. She comes and tell me what he said. And he tells a friend.

Finally I'm crying. The years streaming down my face. I didn't think it was going to be this difficult. And it would not except for them. They make it hard. They tell me all the reasons why I should not do my sport. They just make it so hard. I'm only one person. I can't do everything. I've been doing this ever since I was little and now that I'm older, loving it. And it seems like they want me to quit. I'm super happy I finely get to do this and it seems like there not. You'd think they'd be happy me for me..... But I don't think they are.

I Was Thinking Ok. So I was thinking.... When your little and you do something, and then your parents ask you if you did it and then tell you if you tell them the truth you won't get into trouble? What about when your older and tell the truth? You still get into trouble.

Why? Why hard decisions? They are always there. Always pecking at you. But why? They confuse me. Make me not know what I want to do. Do I want to do this? Or do I want to do that? I don't even know anymore. The truth is, I thought I knew. I thought I knew what I wanted to do. But, not anymore. Why? It's just so confusing. I'm lost. Drowning in a deep blue ocean full of choices. Which one do I choose? There are so many choices, so many reasons and things to do. But what to decide? What should I decide? Which one is right for me? Which one is wrong? I have my reasons for Both and what I want, but my parents don't understand. I try to explain but they don't seem to understand. Why? They want one thing, and well...... I want another.

Count Your Blessings Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth; Love your neighbor as much as yourself Unknown