The Inner Voice Part 1
Words are a beautiful thing. Words can make the simplest of minds see through the eyes of a vivid imagination. Words are magic, when used used correctly that is, which she wasnt planning on doing anytime soon.
'ugly' 'fat' 'slut' 'bitch'
She spat the words at me. Her eyes boared into me as she continued. The sharp words were like daggers. An undeniable smurk forming as she sneered at me. See everything you could be. Just look at me. Thin, beautiful everything your not! The tears formed in my eyes as my worst fears became true. She overpowered my thoughts. Saying the words again and again.
'ugly' 'fat' 'slut' 'bitch'
My head shook as i awoke. Another dream. Throughout childhood and teens the girl that terrorised me was back. I shivered . At that point dan walked in. He had a pityful look on his face. "you fell asleep, you did it again though. Zo can you not just tell me?" dan had noticed my shivers and discomfort many times, i thought about it dan was my bestfriend, but i couldnt. "dan it's nothing, chill out just nightmares" i wasnt sure if he could see my false smile. Bearing my teeth in the grin i'd worn for years. Hiding the fact i was waiting for him to leave so i could release my true emotions.
Dan soon left for the shops and waved goodbye. I wanted to just lie on the sofa and cry but my legs carried me away...to the bathroom. I knew. This was my natural reflex. I flopped onto the bathroom floot and saw the glint of a razor. Sharp. Almost intruiging. I told myself only a bit. The razor nearly slipped in my hands from the sweat. The blood rushed to my head as i made the first cut. My skin turned pink. Bubbles of blood began to form. It helped. It was my temporary relief. I needed it. The pain was washing away everything else, i remembered why i did this. I deserved it.
What felt like Hours later and the razor was on the floor. I cryed as pain ran through my body and stang every cut. A puddle of tears formed stained with my own blood. I felt sick looking at the mess i'd made as blood carried on pumping out every cut, a neverending flow of pain and regret. I lay back, gave up almost and just let the pain continue. My head lolled as i realised i'd gone too far. That's when the darkness came and the last thimg i saw was her face in my head laughing at everything i wasnt.
