Didn't Think It Would Be This Hard On Friday 7th June 2013 I realised one very important thing. I'm in love with my best friend. It was so unexpected even for me, and I've only told my two closest friends.. And well now you. It all started two years ago, when I first met him. I never thought, 'wow we're going to be best friends one day' or 'I'm eventually going to fall in love with him'. Because at the time he was with my best friend. We became really close, and over time him and my friend grew apart. As she is what you would call, clingy. But not just to the point were it was weird, but she became overly obsessed. And she told me she loved him and all these things, that everyone knew he didn't feel back. Nearing the end of their relationship I grew feelings that I knew weren't right. But eventually they decided it would be best to part, and to be honest she got over him pretty quickly. Which was (secretly) to my gain. Like every friendship 'group' I've been in - relationship always seem to be the 'breaker' if you like. The reason no one spoke or met up anymore. What shocked me was, even though only the girls with the other girls and only the lads with the other lads stayed in touch. Somehow me and this one particular boy managed to remain friends. Me and my friend that had previously been out with him, became distant from each other and one day I went to see him. Obviously, this girl seemed to have eyes and ears everywhere and the same night, literally about an hour after I left him she text me. She kicked off, and even got her friends got involved. Girls I didn't even know. I was called things like a 'slut' and a 'slag', a 'bad friend' for seeing her ex. And the worst of all 'a cunt'. Maybe I shouldn't of seen him, but me and her were best friends at one point and you don't do something like that.. Me and him still kept in touch as he stuck up for me, and me and this girl eventually became friends again.. After that we still hung out because even though I got in loads of trouble, me and him were still best friends and I really didn't care anymore. We started having conversation about how he liked me when they were together, and how we were best friends but I was someone he wanted to be with. But we never did anything about it, because she would always get annoyed even though she was over him in nearly a week.. And it had been a year since they were together. We'd go out all the time and I'd wear his jacket and we'd flirt a little. And even when we were with friends we didn't hide our attraction to each other. But then sometimes we would stop talking for a while, and he got a girlfriend. Not out of nowhere, but I'd never heard of her until now. I guess I knew one day something like this would happen. But one Friday, we were on the phone. Still best friends as always. And I hadn't seen him in a while and just hearing him speak, and how funny and lovely he was made me think. And as soon as I got of the phone, I started to cry. My friend Heather who I was with had no idea what was going on and thought I was crying because I was laughing so much at something but then she asked what it was about. And I told her. I made her cry that day, she felt bad because I can't tell him, because well it's obvious he has a girlfriend. But when I thought about it, it made a lot of sense. There was at least three other lads I could've been with over the 2 years, one lad in which I could be with now. But I never made the effort. And I always blamed it on the fact I go of people easily because I was looking for something in particular and that was true. But on Friday what I realised was I was waiting for him, and now he's frustrated with me because I won't tell him why I'm upset.. I didn't think it would be so hard.. because I was waiting fowould be this hard..
