Interview With My Dog WHAT KIND OF PHONE DOES DOG USE? I don't know. It has my teeth marks where I bite and shake it. It says NOKIA on the front. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOCIAL APPLICATION OR WEBSITE? I just had to Google "application" and “website”. That was WAY too much effort. Please don't try to dazzle me with your sexy fancy words. To answer your question I would say Google because I use it a lot. Human words are too complicated we just use WOOF and it covers everything. I also like sexy sites when my butler is away. HEY DOG, WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SONG? I like ‘dancing queen’. I listen to it a lot because I just downloaded £150 worth of Abba records for my owner. It's his birthday surprise. He's paying for it obviously... It's funny because he HATES Abba. LOL. WHAT IS HIS DESKTOP WALLPAPER AND WHY? Err, you don't put wallpaper on a desk. That's why it's called WALLPAPER... The guy I live with took all the wallpaper down because I kept eating the corners. He has painted the room ‘cream’ now. But it doesn’t taste like cream. He told me to stop licking it but I COULDN'T STOP LICKING IT. I hated that paint, but at the same time, I loved it. Now I feel like I want to cry. Thanks for bringing that up. WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME? My butler watches game of thrones. I think it’s pretty good too. We were also reading the books until I chewed and wee'd on them a bit... Now he won't let me watch it CAN YOU EVEN USE A KEYBOARD WITH YOUR PAWS? Obviously. It was hard at first. It's not built for paws. But I’m getting use to it. Also, most of it tastes awful. I want more bacon flavour keyboards. iPads that smell like sausages. Write that down. DOES DOG HAVE TWITTER? It was created in March 2006 by Jack Dorsey and launched that July. The service rapidly gained worldwide popularity, with over 500 million active users as of 2012, generating over 340 million tweets daily and handling over 1.6 billion search queries per day. Since its launch, Twitter has become one of the top 10 most visited websites (I just copied and pasted that off the Internet, I have no idea what your asking me.) DO YOU HAVE AN iPOD? I had a really nice, really shiny Nano once. It was mine for about 15 minutes. My owner left it on the floor, and I managed to take it all the way out into the garden before he caught me. I was just about to make love to it under a bush. Spoilsport. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU USED YOUR PHONE FOR? Two minutes ago. I sent a text to the guy who "looks after me". It said "Buy me biscuits". I sent it 29 times so he doesn't forget. Now he's swearing at me. This is the kind of stuff I have to put up with. CAN DOG GET OPUSS Is that a cat or an octopus thing? I hate cats and I don't know what your talking about. WHAT CONSOLE DOES DOG HAVE AND WHY? The guy I live with puts me on our Wii FIT, he finds it funny. Humans are idiots. WHAT DOES DOG DO ON HIS LAPTOP? When my butler is away I like to look at humans having sex on it. Or go into his e-mail account and send messages to his friends and boss at work. WHAT IS DOGS FAVOURITE GADGET? I have a rubber hamburger that squeaks. It's pretty awesome but I suppose it doesn't count as a "gadget". I have a mobile phone and I learned to text on it. It hasn't really improved my #life. Maybe if I was a human I'd say "My phone is AMAZING. I couldn't LIVE without it." Luckily I'm a dog. Humans are idiots. DO YOU PLAY GAMES? The guy who ‘looks after me’ likes to play a game with a ball. I hate it. He throws it then expects me to go get it. He is so fucking lazy. IS DOG ABIT OF A NERD? I had to Google that word. Is there somebody I can text to get you fired? This is more work than I'd usually do in a month. I'm a NERD, because nerds are AWESOME. Plus, I look hilarious and sexy in glasses. WHAT SOCIAL NETWORK DOES DOG USE? I don’t use networking because it’s just full of humans. I’m tired of your questions, and suspicious. Where are you going to print this? Will there be a picture of me? I want it to be black and white so I look like a model. I'm going to bark at something for no apparent reason. Goodbye.

Interview With My Dog If anybody would like to ask DOG a question on technology, please leave it as a comment on this thread. And I will publish all the answers on our next post Woof.

Texts From My Dog 86 DOG: This morning the postman RUBBED my BELLY DOG: DID YOU TELL HIM TO DO THAT? I might of mentioned it DOG: YOU REVEALED MY WEAKNESS TO MY GREATEST ENEMY HE'S NOT YOUR ENEMY DOG: I'VE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY OWN BUTLER IM NOT YOUR BUTLER

Texts From My Dog 85 DOG: Saturday tomorrow Yep DOG: then it's the WEEKEND Yes, it is DOG: WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN Are we? DOG: WE CAN STAY UP LATE AND TALK ABOUT GIRLS Jesus, do you KNOW you're a DOG? DOG: YES DOG: DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE GAY?

Texts From My Dog 84 DOG: watching Olympics Enjoying it? DOG: too many countries Right DOG: why not just have one country? DOG: HUMAN LAND DOG: THE SHITTEST PLACE ON EARTH